Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

  • Movies to See:
    Mission Impossible
    A Dangerous Method

  • TV Shows to Watch:
    The Life & Times of Tim

  • Book to Read:
    Game of Thrones
    by George R.R. Martin

  • Album to Listen to:
    The Black Keys
    El Camino

  • Person to Hate:
    Newt Gingrich

  • Group of People to Despise:
    Fox & Friends


Bitchin Links

Blogs and Writers of Note

Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

Ravi's Blog

Lauren's Blog

Cheryl's LiveJournal

TV Squad

The Soup


Best Week Ever

The Chive

On Location Vacations

Cute Overload

Michael Moore's Blog

Joel Stein Columns

Maureen Dowd Columns

Secular Coalition of America

Richard Dawkins

Personal Stuff

My Facebook

My Twitter

My YouTube Videos

My DVD Collection

My Books

Machatz Self-Defense

For Politics and Political Satire

The Huffington Post


The Daily Beast

The Onion

The Colbert Nation


The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

For Entertainment

Ain't It Cool News


Rotten Tomatoes

DVD Active

Movie Stinger


The Daily Wav

Movie Mistakes

For Humor and Other Things

HuffPost Comedy

Funny or Die

The Lonely Island

Shit My Dad Says

F My Life

Daily Python

College Humor

Super Mario Crossover

People of Walmart

E-Mails from an Asshole

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

God Checker

Church Sign Maker

Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes

For Bruins

The Daily Bruin

Bruins Nation

Bruin Basketball Report

UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

Old Stuff

March 2003

April 2003

May 2003

June 2003

July 2003

August 2003

September 2003

October 2003

November 2003

December 2003

January 2004

February 2004

March 2004

April 2004

May 2004

June 2004

July 2004

August 2004

September 2004

October 2004

November 2004

December 2004

January 2005

February 2005

March 2005

April 2005

May 2005

June 2005

July 2005

August 2005

September 2005

October 2005

November 2005

December 2005

January 2006

February 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

September 2007

November 2007

January 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

November 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

January 2010

February 2010

March 2010

April 2010

June 2010

August 2010

November 2010

December 2010

February 2011

April 2011

May 2011

July 2011


Friday, October 21, 2005  
This is Not a Real Post
Oh god I'm sitting in the Young Hall Computer Lab and I just noticed that there are nail clippings all around the keyboard I'm using. I don't know what to do. I'm truly revolted and I hate people.

Jesus god in heaven why!?


I can't, I just can't. I want to be out of my skin right now.

I need to get out of here.

5:05 PM


Sunday, October 16, 2005  
Image hosted by

I love my Bruins. I love them very much. But seriously, my blood pressure is already high and these games aren't helping me out...but man oh man is it sweet when we pull out the W's, especially after such a long drought in the past couple years.


Your arrogant so-called dynasty is coming to an end you disgusting Trojans. On December 3, the Trojans of '$C will crumple under their own weight.

Mark my words.

7:18 PM


Wednesday, October 12, 2005 Has Lost its Mind
As a college student in America, I have become proficient in the one practice shared by millions of college students everywhere: procrastination. One practice of procrastination that I utilize is the late night perusing of websites such as eBay (which I do not encourage) and Amazon. On, I like to look through what recommendations Amazon has for me based on what I said I own or what is on my wishlist. Recently, when browsing through these recommendations, I have noticed some startling trends in namely the company has lost its mind.

Now some recommendations make complete sense.
Image hosted by
If I own the black Xbox controller, who's to say I won't like the green one. Well done, Amazon.

On the other hand, some recommendations can be a tad offensive.

Why I gotta like Nelly if I own a black Xbox controller? is racist.
Image hosted by
I'm not saying that people who play Xbox would or wouldn't enjoy the hippity hop music. I'm just saying that I also put that I own the blue Xbox controller, but Amazon only bases these recommendations on my ownership of a black controller. Jesse Jackson, where are you?

From the bigoted comes the downright inappropriate.
Image hosted by
If Amazon was a parent, it would be sued for negligence. Why any child who is still at an age to be playing with Hug & Learn Baby Toad would also be allowed to play the mature, blood fest of Halo 2 is a mystery to me. That said, I love Halo 2 and would like to know how this amphibian could help me learn through the use of hugs... that's kinda twisted if you think about it.

And now the cream of the crop, the downright bizarre recommendations from Amazon.
Image hosted by
Ok I won't deny that fans of Lord of the Rings may or may not be geeks... and male. So why in the hell would they want a baking sheet? Perhaps to bake some lembas bread? Sorry.

And in the same vain as our froggy friend above....
Image hosted by
...why in the blue jesus would any self-respecting teen playing Halo 2 want a Lil Bratz Sno Fun Ski Lodge playset. This product, on top of being for ages 4 and up, but this DOLL HOUSE also contains the following: " The open-sided doll house can be re-arranged a number of ways, but no matter how it's designed, kids will love posing the dolls near all of the amenities. There's a toasty fireplace, a movie theater with a huge sound system, an arcade game, snack room (with tiny popcorn machine), and café. The lodge's dance floor also transforms into an ice-skating rink!" I mean maybe Master Chief is interested in some statutory rape action, but even so, it's not for the children.

And finally, where we had racist tips from the Xbox controller, we now have purely insane recommendations for Harry Potter fans everywhere.
Image hosted by
Ok I accept that there are many female Harry Potter fans out there, but of all the unholy products, why would a Paris Hilton Belly Bar (I still don't know what it does) be recommended to a fan of Harry Potter. It's an outrage, is what it is. If the Christians weren't already up in arms against Harry Potter, they've now brought in the National Guard.

To round out this "Amazon is Insane" segment, comes one final item recommended, again, for the Harry Potter fans out there.
Image hosted by
Perhaps Amazon is trying to tell us something. "Put down that blasphemous book and perform some manual labor for a change"? I don't know. But in any case, why would anyone pay $250 for a drill!? A DRILL! And does anyone else find it hilarious that the drill has a release date, as if people were lined up outside Loews on September 24 waiting for the stroke of midnight when they could purchase the Milwaukee 6514-21.

Moral: When you're procrastinating late at night, don't go on websites that have the potential to deplete your beer money... even if it is on a belly bar.

6:14 PM


Thursday, October 06, 2005  
Crouching Tofu, Hidden Disgusting Crap
Buddha once said, "Every human being is the author of his own health or disease."

The man couldn't have been more right.

It might have been the ambiance of the film or just seeing a bunch of Thai guys beating the hell out of each other but as I watched the martial arts testostermonial that was Ong Bak: Thai Warrior, I gained a craving for some Pad Thai. Luckily, I had the menu for a local establishment which I shall not name here. (Perhaps a good old fashioned switcheroo, for you pun buffs out there, will lead you to the name: Cambodian Courtyard) Since there was a $15 minimum order for free delivery, I had to become somewhat adventurous and branch out from the reliable Pad Thai. A Thai Combination Appetizer Platter seemed the way to go. This consisted of egg rolls, tempura shrimp, something called "treasure bags" and golden tofu. Now I was never ever a fan of tofu although I do enjoy soy beans, but I thougt what have I got to lose... So I called up the eatery and struggled, for a while, to translate my address into their language.
" 112. N. Hamilton Dr. Unit 108."
"Sree two norf Hamertun load."
"What? No. 112..."
"Wun Wun choo..."
"errr tun"
"Yes, ok close enough."
"What shitty?"
(I'm not being racist... come on when have you ever called a Chinese, Thai or Japanese restaurant and someone of caucasian descent answered the phone? Never. The answer is never.)

So, after convincing the kindly receptionist that I would just wait outside and jump up and down when the delivery boy came, I hung up and continued with my dose of kung fu fighting until the delivery boy came. I tipped him generously (I think) as I always do with the delivery people. With my Thai kickboxing movie on play, my Pad Thai and teriyaki chicken on my lap, I was complete. The Thai Combo Platter would wait till later. The former two dishes lasted me through the end of the movie and by that time it was about 5:00 and I craved no more Thai delights.

An hour later I craved more Thai creations...was it the MSG? Do they use MSG? Either way, the experiment began. With a Seinfeld rerun on in the background, I eliminated the safe portions of the platter: the shrimp and the egg rolls. Next up were the 3 treasure bags. Resembling scrotums, wrapped in seaweed string, stuffed with...stuff, my bravery from the time when I ordered the food was quickly diminishing. However, remembering how courageous Ting was to recover the head of his village's Buddha statue, I sucked up any fear I had and teabagged one of the treasure bags. I discovered that these treasure bags were merely eggrolls resembling parts of the male anatomy. Looks like clear sailing from here.

"Jerry, look how tense you are. You need to take a soak."
"I'm not taking a soak in that human bacteria vat you got goin' there."
"Come on, I'm telling you, it's great. I opened up all the windows. The air is cold, the tub is boiling hot. It's like Sweden, man. Sweden!"

The golden tofu leered at me from the styrofoam box, and I grimaced back. My only excuse for even trying one of them was that they were supposed to be good for me. Over my bacon and cheese omelette the next morning, I realized how ridiculous this was. (I might note that this golden tofu seemed to be globs of tofu either fried, wrapped in tempura or some other ghastly means of preparation. I didn't know for sure at the time what they were made of and I do not wish to know now.) One golden tofu down. No taste really. Weird sweatshop marshmallow texture but otherwise nothing strange. Another golden tofu down. This one tasted a bit like what my ear might taste like... if my tongue would reach that far... that would be cool.... Hell, might as well try to finish them. Each golden tofu had different flavors... flavors of The Wax Museum... but I persisted.

"Did you find out who stabbed him?"
"Yeah, it turns out it was his ex-girlfriend."
"Well, you're not going near this hooligan anymore."
"Well, I don't know. I mean, think about it, Jerry. There must be something exciting about this guy if he can arouse that kind of passion. I mean, to be stab-worthy. You know, it's kind of a compliment."
"Yeah, too bad he didn't get shot. He could have been the one."

By the eighth golden tofu, the images of Elaine and Jerry were a blur. I felt as if... as if I was at the nexus of the universe. I would find out what happens when we die, without having to die. It would happen... if only the golden tofus didn't take the yellow brick road back up my esophagus, I would've known. By golly, I would've known.

I would've liked to end this story with something reassuring. That trying new things is always good. It can even be rewarding. You only have one life to live etc. etc. Yeah, they're right. You do have only one life to live. So don't waste it regurgitating Pan-Asian Cuisine.

"On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him."

I disagree. Golden Tofu. Golden Tofu can and will destroy him.

3:45 PM


This page is powered by Blogger.Humor Blog Top Sites