Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

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Thursday, April 29, 2010  
The Big Crab Apple
This post continues my on-going expose' on how New York City isn't such a jolly place, despite what Sinatra, Friends, How I Met Your Mother and popular culture in general try to tell you.

The place: Union Square, NYC
The time: Early Afternoon
The context: After lunch with a squirmy 5-year old boy who has suddenly decided he really has to pee.
The only viable option: The public bathroom at McDonalds
The problem: He also has to sit
The other problem: A surly, belligerent, dickish Puerto Rican man

If it isn't bad enough to be with a young child who has to use the bathroom in public, the situation can only get worse when he decides he also has to have a seat in the lovely McDonalds bathroom. But wait, there's more. Because there's also a line forming behind us comprised exclusively of males who then have to be diverted to the women's facilities.

And also there's a super sized asshole in this line who has decided to pick a fight with a 5-year old with a learning disability.

The following details the conversation that then ensued with the (little) man who looked something like this:

My back is facing the line, as I face the closed bathroom door praying that this kid would just finish his business so we could leave this god-forsaken place.

"...these motherfuckers taken so long in the god-damn bathroom."

I turn around.

"Excuse me?" A frightened 13-year old boy stares back at me shaking his head. I turn back around.

"These god-damn mother fuckers." I turn around then seeing the philistine who was guilty of the remarks (pictured above).

"You have something to say?"
"I ain't got nuttin' to say to JOO!"
"Well I heard you sayin' something."
"I ain't got NUTTIN'. To SAY. TO JOO!"
"Alright. But if I hear something else, we've got a problem."

A slight pause. I peak in to see what's happening in the men's room. I tell him to finish and wash up.

"These motherfuckin...."
"Hey. You wanna talk shit about a 5-year old...." The pin-headed imbecile selects a hand gesture to display.
"Yeah big man over here. Talkin' trash about a 5-year old."
" *indecipherable*"

At this exact moment, the little guy I was with flushes the toilet and begins to scream that the toilet sound is too loud. Evidently, this McDonalds franchise had decided to stock their bathrooms with toilets from decommissioned Southwest Airlines planes.

"It's ok buddy just wash up and we'll go.... Hey asshole. Why don't you shut your mouth before you get yourself in trouble."
"I ain't got NUTTIN'..."
"Let's go.... Alright big man. Enjoy your trip to the bathroom. Sir."

During this time, an employee had wandered out into the hallway and had decided to watch the altercation go down. We passed her on our way out.

While this is no where near as extreme an incident, there was a story that came out this week about a man, who had thwarted a mugging and was stabbed as a result. He subsequently collapsed on a sidewalk in New York, in a pool of his own blood. A security camera nearby captured at least 20 people walking by the man who was slowly bleeding to death on the sidewalk. Not one stopped to call 911. One poked him. One took a picture with a cell phone camera.

He died.

These are the kind of people we are dealing with. They leave a man to die on the sidewalk after he saved a lady from being mugged (he probably wasn't originally from New York) and they verbally accost 5-year old children.

It's a hell of a town.

7:34 PM


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