Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

  • Movies to See:
    Mission Impossible
    A Dangerous Method

  • TV Shows to Watch:
    The Life & Times of Tim

  • Book to Read:
    Game of Thrones
    by George R.R. Martin

  • Album to Listen to:
    The Black Keys
    El Camino

  • Person to Hate:
    Newt Gingrich

  • Group of People to Despise:
    Fox & Friends


Bitchin Links

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Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

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Best Week Ever

The Chive

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Secular Coalition of America

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My Facebook

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Machatz Self-Defense

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Ain't It Cool News


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Movie Stinger


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HuffPost Comedy

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Shit My Dad Says

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People of Walmart

E-Mails from an Asshole

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

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Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes

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The Daily Bruin

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UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

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Tuesday, June 29, 2004  
Good Evening Boredom. How are you?

pasha is a living legend
pasha is doing great…
pasha is an american dream
pasha is currently closed for lunch
pasha is still missing and has been missing since july 11th
pasha is a powerful man
pasha is an ice
pasha is a very special talent
pasha is wonderful
pasha is a public
pasha is a collection of promising teen pregnancy and std/hiv/aids prevention programs
pasha is upstairs and separate from the club
pasha is wounded
pasha is also being recommended by other travel guides such as lonely planet
pasha is a 4 year old male rough coat
pasha is recommended for casual use
pasha is a very bright and intelligent boy who makes very good grades in school
pasha is commonly called mehmet ali
pasha is working on open
pasha is informed of the treachery and arrives to question the prisoners
pasha is most cordial
pasha is still the spiritual centre of tahtakale
pasha is very much the mother
pasha is jet
pasha is definitely worth going for
pasha is elected foreign minister in place of yusuf kemal tengirenk who resigned on 25 october 1922
pasha is dance comedy
pasha is probably enjoyed better in a larger group
pasha is in a category on its own
pasha is extremely fine
pasha is an intensely linebred horse and shows his mansour genotype
pasha is eaten spread on a slice of traditional sweet yeast bread kulich
pasha is home
pasha is the most beautiful skater ever
pasha is very socialized and rarely dislikes any strangers if they are brought in through the front gate
pasha is both a breathtaking joy and a staggering nightmare
pasha is praised for his generosity
pasha is desirable because of the blue
pasha is a tall elegant arabian with a kind disposition
pasha is appropriate
pasha is heard as a witness
pasha is trying unsuccessfully to seduce konstanze
pasha is the director

2:57 AM


Monday, June 28, 2004  
This Survey is Kinda Girly...but I'm Bored

1. Kissed your cousin: I know what you're thinking you sick s.o.b....but yes, on the cheeks, asswipe
2. Ran away: Naw
3. Pictured your crush naked: Let's see...I'm a guy...I have gallons of testosterone flowing through my macho I'ma gonna say.. Hell yeah!
4. skipped school: Yes'm
5. Broken someone's heart: Maybe? I'm not sure
6. Been in love: Nah...superficially...millions of times
7. Cried when someone died: Knock on the proverbial wood that no one close to me has died
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Well yeah
9. Pretended to eat food but actually fed it to the dog: I tried once with my parakeet
11. Done a drug: naw
12. Cried in school: I reckon not

13. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
14. Sprite or 7UP: Sprite
15. Girls or Guys: Girls
16. Flowers or Candy: Candy
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: I like my better clean-shaven self
18. Blonds or Brunettes: Brunettes
19. Bitchy or Slutty: SLUTTAY
20. Tall or Short: Shorter than me
21. Pants or Shorts: Pants
22. Night or Day: Night

23. What do you notice first: Eyes and...a couple of other things
24. Last person you slow danced with: I honestly have no idea
25. Worst Question To Ask: Aaaw, is that your penis? (Never been asked THAT, thank you very much)
26. Showered: non :-(
27. Stepped outside: With a gal? What the hell? Yes, I have
29. Romantic memory: Nothing profound
30. Your Good Luck Charm: Altoids
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: I don't know...lots of things....first thing that came to mind was finding out my aunt didn't have breast cancer anymore

33. On your desk: Pocket dictionary, key to a Dubai hotel, Swiss chocolate, two mugs holding pens, cow from Chik Fil E, super glue, apple Altoids, Spidey signal from cereal, a bunch of computer games, a calculator and much much more
34. Picture on your desktop: Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man

35. Color: Deep Blue
36. Movie: Must you ask me this... Dark City, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, Lord of the Rings, Kill Bills, X2, Pirates of the Caribbean, Matrices, Minority Report, Bowling for Columbine, Drumline, Road to Perdition, Life as a House, Spider-Man, The Usual Suspects
37. Artist: J.M.W. Turner
38. Cars: Aston Martin Vanquish...and Jetta
39. Ice Cream: Mint Chocolate Chip and most recently Tiramisu (thank the Jesus for Dreyers Dreamery)
40. Season: Fall
41. Breakfast Food: BACON AND EGGS

42. Makes you laugh the most: All my friends...and Eddie Izzard
43. Makes you smile: All my friends...except you stupid know who you are
44. Can make you feel better no matter what: Ma
45. Has A Crush On You: Some weird lady who comes into Blockbuster. "Just browsing." Ok lady. Whatever
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: UUmmm...not currently
47. Who Has it easier Girls or Guys?: Girls
48. Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: This girl at school makes me feel nauseated...blech

49. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: No..I hate phones
50. Save AIM conversations: The REALLY funny ones
51. Save E-mails: Yes, a lot
52. Forward secret E-mails: secret e-mails? What do you take me for?
53. Wish you were someone else: Sometimes some X-men characters...Yes, I'm a geek
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: Hell no...except when I have 24/7 access to breasts...muahaha
55. Wear perfume /colone: Sometimes...mostly not
56. Kiss: Jah
57. Cuddle: Jah
58. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: Hehheh...yes

59. Fallen for your best friend?: I don't reckon I have
60. Made out with JUST a friend?: Yeah
61. Kissed two people in the same day?: Not counting parents and
62. Had sex with two different people in the same day?: but no
63. Been rejected: OH YES
64. Been in love?: I think I thought I was
65. Been in lust?: Every freakin day
66. Used someone?: Not blatantly
67. Been used?: I hope not...but I think so

72. You touched?: Myself...AHHAHAHAHHA
73. You talked to?: My coworker
74. You hugged?: Ma
75. you instant messaged?: Kevin
76. who hugged you?: Ma
77. You yelled at?: Someone who called at work saying "FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER"
78. You thought about?: The person I just wrote about above..duh
79. Who text messaged you?: Probably Ilana
80. Who broke your heart?: Iunno
81. Who told you they loved you?: Ma

82. Color your hair?: Hell no
83. Have tattoos?: Non
84. Have piercings?: Non
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Non
86. Own a webcam?: Yeah...don't use it really
87. Own a thong?: Excuse me?
88. Ever get off the damn computer?: Yes, yes I do
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: Nein, ich bin leidig
90. Habla espanol?: Non, je ne parle pas espagnol

92. Stolen anything?: Frequently when I was younger...naughty
93. Smoke?: Once
94. Schizophrenic?: No...Yes...No....Yes....No...Maybe...No
95. Obsessive?: Sometimes
96. Compulsive?: Yes
97. Obsessive compulsive?: Yes..not chronic though
98. Panic?: At the worst times of course
99. Anxiety?: Yeah
100. Depressed?: Naw

That is all for the pointless survey.

4:04 PM


Saturday, June 26, 2004  
Jacuzzi Thoughts
I was in the jacuzzi zenning after class and I started thinking (which is never a good thing): it is impossible to spell a word pronounced "D-OWN." What ever do you mean sir?
Well if you were to spell it the intuitively it would be spelled "done." But you'd be wrong because that's obviously the word done. (pronounced "DUN") Another way you would think to spell it would be "down." You'd be wrong again because that's the word down. It's all very perplexing because in the word "condone," done isn't pronounced the normal way. But by itself it's normal.

Moral: The English language is hogwash.

Another Moral: Don't think about words when zenning.

6:03 PM


Ain True Love
I just finished watching "Cold Mountain," (one effed up movie) and was thinking about what other movies that samokin' hot Nicole Kidman has been in. The first movie that popped into my head was "Batman Forever." Then I was trying to remember what her name was in that movie. And for some reason I remembered: Chase Meridian. Then I started thinking about what a good pick up line would be for her. Then it came to me in a brilliant flash of light...or indigestion: "Hey Chase...You're my Prime Meridian *wink* "

Hold your applause, please.

Thank you.

3:45 AM


Thursday, June 24, 2004  
Working Mannnnn
I am here to stop a revolt from my fans for a lack of an update... This post will not ameliorate that because it's a fake update. Today is my first real day at work. Not volunteering to take care of 30 five and six year olds, not volunteering to teach deranged ten year olds, not volunteering to work under the regime of Century City Hospital...but an actual paying job (just above minimum wage) at the Blockbuster. The only better place for me to work would be...the store that shall not be named...EDIT: SEVEN free rentals a week, new movies a week in advance and a shirt with my name on it! Totally rad duude. Anywho, I'll be back hopefully in the near future for an update with pictures and such. Ciao

3:18 PM


Tuesday, June 15, 2004  
Revelation of the Night:
FINALS = Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit!*

*courtesy of Ilana

1:47 AM


Happy Flag Day everyone!!!

I don't know what it is either.

12:23 AM


Monday, June 14, 2004  
The Things We Do When We're Not Studying

How to make a jazzy bahsoun

5 parts pride

5 parts crazyiness

1 part energy
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of lovability and a pinch of salt. Yum!


Personality cocktail

8:35 PM


Brief Study Break:
Here's a small excerpt from an article about Stephen Hawking I was reading that I found fascinating:
"This was the holy grail. 'A complete theory of the basic laws of the universe,' Hawking had once hoped, could be formulated by 2020. (Earlier, he had bet on the year 2000.) It would lead to a 'complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.'
As an old idealist, Hawking thrilled to such a future. With a complete theory at hand, cosmology would no longer be confined to the high priests of science. 'Then we shall all, philosophers, scientists, and just ordinary people, be able to take part in this discussion,' he promised at the end of his best-seller. Nor are such extravagant hopes confined to him. 'We will discover eventually why there's a universe'...'The laws of the universe tell you if you start out with truly nothing, this is unstable and will decay into something. Yes, the universe is inevitable. Nothing cannot exist forever.' A pause. 'I usually wear my Zen robes when I talk that way.' Many cosmologists-Hawking especially-deploy humor with calculation, using it as a method of fraternization with the uninitiated, blunting the resentment of the bewildered.'"

Kind of belittles all that we're working for right now if you ask me.
Anyhow, good luck to me and my UC chaps on finals, and to all a good neverending night.

4:57 AM


Sunday, June 06, 2004  
The following is what happens when I don't tell someone about the new cooky things I do. In this case, it was not telling him that I would now say "juice" as my new goodbye....cause I really like juice.

Ravi 728: juice?

Auto response from PBeclair23: STINY! Get me a danish!

Ravi 728: i don't get it, and you're not here to explain the pun to me!
Ravi 728: i can
Ravi 728: t
Ravi 728: handle this!
Ravi 728: christianwatervapor?
Ravi 728: damn you
Ravi 728: there must be something against leaving a man hanging for 8 hours on a switcheroo somewhere in the rule book
Ravi 728: i won't remember it in the morning
Ravi 728: ok, i'm going to go shower, but i better see an answer when i get back, or i shall hunt down that nice chinese family from upstairs that moved out a few weeks ago and offer them the deal of a lifetime to move back in
Ravi 728 is away at 1:31:56 AM.
PBeclair23: HAHAHA

Auto response from Ravi 728: shower, then brushing of the teeth

PBeclair23: i was just talking to ilana about how much i like juice
PBeclair23: and i wanted to make juice my new goodbye phrase
PBeclair23: so i was testing it out
Ravi 728 signed off at 1:52:06 AM.
Ravi 728 signed on at 2:03:49 AM.
Ravi 728: ok sir i need a warning system for future situations of this magnitude

Auto response from PBeclair23: The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Ravi 728: color code your text or something
Ravi 728 signed off at 2:08:33 AM.

4:03 PM


Friday, June 04, 2004  
The Evolution of Gonnorhea
Well, last night was the fantabulous concert at BHHS and for some reason, the subject of gonnorhea and STDs came up in a conversation I had with Noah. My spark of genius came when I derived the evolution of the word gonnorhea. It's quite simple really.
In, I presume the Dark Ages, a nobleman is having a spicy affair with an attractive maiden in the village. He visits her once or twice a week for some...release and then heads back to where he lives. Since this maiden isn't the prudest maiden in the land, she takes as many opportunities as she can to get inside the..knights' she can, and the men surely appreciate it. After a few months or so, the nobleman comes for his "appointment" with the maiden. As he is taking off his pants, the maiden says "Oh I'm not in the mood," probably because she just had Sir Fenwick and Sir the same time. But the nobleman insists and they proceed with their business. The next day, he returns to the maiden's cottage furious and quite frightened. He says to the maiden as he bursts in through the door, "HAST THOU BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO ME?!" She responds, "Well, not at this moment."
"Thou hast made me a cuckold!!"
"Why do you say this?" He proceeds to take off his pants and undergarments and reveals his enflamed loins. He urines on the floor of her cottage and screams, "IT BURNS!!"
She responds, "Oh your penis has gone ary, my dear!"
"Yes...I KNOW!"
HENCE...the word gonnorhea evolved from a simple whorish maiden crying out "YOUR PENIS HAS GONE ARY!" after she had transferred the yet unnamed STD to the nobleman. Much mispronunciation and presumptuous scholars have since changed the phrase to the word we know and love today: Gonnorhea.

2:27 PM


Thursday, June 03, 2004  
Procrastinate now! Don't put it off!!
What was:
The last thing you ate- Salami Sandwich
The last thing you said- "Oh shit" to myself at the end of Nip/Tuck
The last thing you heard- Nina Simone Song "Feelin Good"
The last book you read- Finished? Probably Da Vinci Code. Currently reading ROTK
The last movie you watched- Shrek 2...dled in French :-)
The last song you heard- Feelin Good by Nina Simone
The last shirt you wore- Dark Blue Tank top
The last thing you lost- Those rubber things that go on your graphing calculator
The last game you played- Soul Calibur 2 for the 1st time in 2 mos.

Who was:
The last peson you talked to: Ma
The last person you IMed: The Sultan Ravi
Your first kiss: Francis when I was 4. My first girlfriend. Hahaha
You first crush: Probably Francis. It might have been Kim Basinger in the movie "Cool World"
Your kindergarten Teacher: Ms. Magee
The last person you yelled at: My lab TA
The last person you cried about: Uuummmm....I honestly have no idea..maybe my aunt
The last person you hit: Shlomo
The last person you hung up on: SBC Customer Service...fuckers
The last person you called: My aunt
The last person who called you: Best Buy Customer Service...fuckers
The last person you e-mailed: My mom
The last person you annoyed: Too many to keep track mom, rivka, my lab partners, my lab ta...
The last person you abused: HA....again...too many to keep track mom, rivka, shlomo...
The last person you kissed on the cheek: My mom I guess
The last person you thought of killing: Uuuh heh...heheh....
The last person you had a dream about: I think Al Gore...I dreamt he died for some reason

Who is:
Your best friend: The batallion and other mercenaries in the field of UCLA
Your worst enemy: the government
Your favorite teacher: I don't have one at the moment...I guess Gordon for band and jazz trumpet seminar?
Your celebrity crush: JENNIFER GARNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your school crush: Crushes don't exist anymore...there is just lust
Your secret crush: Uuuh...secret...dumbass
Your favorite comedian: Eddie Izzard...Cake or death!?
Your favorie band/singers: Frank Sinatra, The RH Factor, U2, BB King, Norah Jones, Aerosmith, Wallflowers, Gipsy Kings
Your favorite local band: Local? Shutup you
Your favorite person to talk to online: Anyone who I can everyone...except for stupid know who you are
Your favorite person to talk to on the phone: I don't like phones
Your favorite person to pull an all-nighter with: Jennifer Garner

Much elation for procrastination across the nation

2:10 AM


Wednesday, June 02, 2004  
Procrastination across the Nation
Type your name with your...

nose: ppasha
elbow: p0sdfhsd
chin: l;dsxxxxxxdfxshjndsxz
feet: p-asw hhhh aaa
eyes closed and one finger: [asha
back of your hand: ;lashsss
palm: pasqkdsdhsa
mouse: -awshqa


8:36 PM


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