Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

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Saturday, November 14, 2009  
Freak Weights Supplement
While I covered various species of oddball found at the gym in my previous post, I'd like to relay some very brief advice based on some more recent encounters.

If you are on the 24th set of 3 on the pull down machine... and you are wearing khaki shorts... and you are wearing a shirt that says "Loveburger" on it... you probably need to do some more research in several decision-making aspects of your life.

You're also probably not a Loveburger for anyone. Unless you're a fry cook. And you have a heart-shaped skillet.

If you scream when lifting weights and/or slam the weights onto the floor after you're finished, first of all it's obvious that those weights are much too heavy for you, and, more importantly, everyone within a 100 foot radius knows you have a grotesquely, bordering on under-developed, small penis. You don't need to place an exclamation point on this fact by throwing weights.

But seriously, what did your mother do while you were in the womb to lead to such malformed genitalia?

And finally, while I briefly touched on this in the previous post....elderly men. In speedos. We're all so proud of you for defying your age by coming to the gym. But leave the speedos at home, perhaps for a special occasion with the wife. Maybe after a Matlock marathon, over some prune martinis, you slip on a tight pair of speedos and give your wife an arrhythmia.

But not at the gym. Everyone can see your package.

11:43 AM


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