Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

  • Movies to See:
    Mission Impossible
    A Dangerous Method

  • TV Shows to Watch:
    The Life & Times of Tim

  • Book to Read:
    Game of Thrones
    by George R.R. Martin

  • Album to Listen to:
    The Black Keys
    El Camino

  • Person to Hate:
    Newt Gingrich

  • Group of People to Despise:
    Fox & Friends


Bitchin Links

Blogs and Writers of Note

Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

Ravi's Blog

Lauren's Blog

Cheryl's LiveJournal

TV Squad

The Soup


Best Week Ever

The Chive

On Location Vacations

Cute Overload

Michael Moore's Blog

Joel Stein Columns

Maureen Dowd Columns

Secular Coalition of America

Richard Dawkins

Personal Stuff

My Facebook

My Twitter

My YouTube Videos

My DVD Collection

My Books

Machatz Self-Defense

For Politics and Political Satire

The Huffington Post


The Daily Beast

The Onion

The Colbert Nation


The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

For Entertainment

Ain't It Cool News


Rotten Tomatoes

DVD Active

Movie Stinger


The Daily Wav

Movie Mistakes

For Humor and Other Things

HuffPost Comedy

Funny or Die

The Lonely Island

Shit My Dad Says

F My Life

Daily Python

College Humor

Super Mario Crossover

People of Walmart

E-Mails from an Asshole

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

God Checker

Church Sign Maker

Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes

For Bruins

The Daily Bruin

Bruins Nation

Bruin Basketball Report

UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

Old Stuff

March 2003

April 2003

May 2003

June 2003

July 2003

August 2003

September 2003

October 2003

November 2003

December 2003

January 2004

February 2004

March 2004

April 2004

May 2004

June 2004

July 2004

August 2004

September 2004

October 2004

November 2004

December 2004

January 2005

February 2005

March 2005

April 2005

May 2005

June 2005

July 2005

August 2005

September 2005

October 2005

November 2005

December 2005

January 2006

February 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

September 2007

November 2007

January 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

November 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

January 2010

February 2010

March 2010

April 2010

June 2010

August 2010

November 2010

December 2010

February 2011

April 2011

May 2011

July 2011


Tuesday, November 18, 2008  
Last Dose of Patriotism
I know this site has been inundated with election-related stories for the last couple of months. Regular programming shall resume soon, but until then I must post Bill Maher's reflection on the implications of the election during the season finale of Real Time last week.

And, finally, New Rule: The rest of the world can go back to being completely jealous of America. Yes...our majority white country just freely elected a black president; something no other democracy has ever done. Take that, Canada! Where's your Nubian warrior president? Your head of state is a boring white dude named Stephen Harper. And mine is a kick-ass black ninja named Barack Hussein Obama!

That's right, everybody. I take back every bad thing I ever said about the good old U.S.A. I've gone from "God damn America" to "God damn, America!"

I feel like a hockey mom at the state fair getting felt up by Hank Williams Jr. While fireworks go off and Jesus appears in my cotton candy. It would be stupid not to be stupid about it.

So, I'd like to take this moment when we've finally got one right, to bask in a little unwarranted, unapologetic, irrational, faux patriotism. Or, as Fox News calls it, "regular programming."

Now, I might regret this. It's kind of like going grocery shopping when you're high. But, here goes, world...[with patriotic music under]

We're Americans. We built the Golden Gate Bridge and Hoover Dam and Joan Rivers. We're the only country that can look at a sandwich made of ice cream and chocolate cookies covered in fudge and think, "Ah, you think we could fry that?"

And you know what? YES, WE CAN!

They may have 72 virgins, but we have 31 Flavors.

You know what our favorite burger topping is? Another burger!

We invented rock 'n' roll, jazz, funk, R&B, and hip-hop. Without our music, your iPods would be filled with ABBA, Menudo and Men At Work. And you wouldn't have iPods.

Not only did we create the Internet, we're the ones who filled it up with porn.

Jefferson lived here. And Miles Davis and Mark Twain and Frank Lloyd Wright and a lot of other people Sarah Palin never heard of.

In America, strippers and Disney stars have an equal right to be named "Hannah Montana."

And I was freely able to make a movie saying there's no afterlife, and you could watch it while eating crap that'll kill you. But, that's okay, because our corn-fed high school sophomores are bigger than your soldiers, and they're better armed.

I ask you, in what other nation would they tax young people to make sure old people can afford erections?

What you call "football," we call "soccer." And what you call "war crimes," we call "football."

So, let me just say it again: we elected a black guy, and it was because he was the best candidate. Not because it was some cheap gimmick. And we should know, because we are also the country that invented cheap gimmicks.

Yes, America is like Jessica Simpson. Sometimes it's so stupid it embarrasses you, but, on the other hand, how about them titties?!

11:04 PM


Friday, November 07, 2008  
President Bush's Legacy: President Obama

American History majors rarely get the chance to experience American History in real time. Last night was like a gigantic episode of 24, but instead of Jack Bauer and a countdown clock, it had Wolf Blitzer and an electoral counter.

Like Bauer, Obama solved big problems all in one day - turning red states into blue states, bringing a huge Democratic majority to both houses, and defusing 232 years of racism. There wasn't this much history on The History Channel.

In his inspiring victory speech, Obama barely smiled. He looked like he had the next day's work on his mind, or possibly how he's going to undo the illegal and/or immoral acts Bush has planned for his remaining 77 days.

Speaking of Bush, it is clear now, if it wasn't before, what his legacy is going to be: Obama.

Bush will be known for ushering in the Obama era, the way Herbert Hoover was known for ushering in FDR or Pete Best was known for preceding Ringo.

Historians like to talk about how history "unfolds," as if it were made of paper. Today history is unfolding with no sign of stopping, like a really, really big map.

There's so much history right now, if you even tried to write a thesis about it, you'd have to write another one tomorrow.

American History is now like iTunes - there's an update every five minutes.

It's weird being an American History major in the midst of so much American History. Does this happen with other disciplines? Do geometry majors ever find themselves in the midst of an isosceles triangle? Or do comp lit majors find themselves in novels by the Brontë sisters?

America is like a novel. It's never finished. It's a draft that's been rewritten over and over. Soon our new author will revise and correct what has been left him by his predecessor. One thing you can be sure of, it hasn't been proofed in eight years.

History has already unfolded three more times since this morning. We're not used to it. We may have to switch majors just to get some rest.

2:29 AM


Wednesday, November 05, 2008  
Signed, Sealed, Delivered

1:23 AM


Tuesday, November 04, 2008  
Frack the Vote
This is it. Today's the day that this god damn election is over and hopefully the only politician I've ever admired will come out on top. Since 2004 when he spoke at the DNC I thought he should be president. Last December, I self-righteously proclaimed that an Obama/Biden ticket would be amazing. I sense that the 4 year wait will pay off.

Recently, I reminisced back to the elections we had to partake in as band geeks in high school: the election of the next drum major. My first year voting, as a frightened and perpetually awkward teenager, the competitors were Lorden something and John Hirsch, two soon to be seniors. After placing our votes in a box at the end of rehearsal, I was approached by John and was asked if I voted for him. Throwing all notions of voter confidentiality aside, I replied that I did, because I had. Shortly after, I was approached by Lorden and was asked the same question. I responded that I had and then decided to add a, "You did great, man." He walked away pumping his fist. Why I said this to him I do not know. Perhaps it was peer pressure. Perhaps it would just have been strange to tell him the truth. In the end, Lorden won, and he believed that I helped him get there when in reality I didn't and thought he was a pompus douche. I shutter at the thought that my words, fallacious in nature, could have boosted his self-confidence in any way.

In contrast, if I were to be approached today by John McCain and Barack Obama, in a similar fashion to snot-nosed, pimply high school juniors, I would not hesitate to tell Barack Obama that I have been voting for him in my heart for 4 years and have cast my ballot in his favor. I would then hug him until the secret service pried me off. Yes, I have a man crush on Obama...and also on Don's platonic ladies, I swear. If John McCain were to then ask me who I voted for I would not seek approval of him by lying. I would blatantly and tell him that I would unequivocally never vote for the man that he has become during this campaign, based on his backwards ideals and as a matter of principle. I do not want an ailing man sauntering around the oval office while Caribou Barbie knits in the corner.

In every election I've voted in, my guy has lost. The first election I voted in was the California Recall Election in which I voted against the recall. That didn't fly, so I then voted for Cruz Bustamante to replace Gray Davis. Instead, the Austrian mass of meat said, "Not dis time," and inexplicably, in the face of logic and common sense, became the Governator instead. Whatever happened to Cruz Bustamante anyway? The next major election I participated in was the 2004 Democratic Primary. I voted for Wesley Clark to become the Democratic nominee. Instead, Treebeard lumbered over the finish line to the yawn of democrats everywhere. Then, in the 2004 Presidential Election, Captain Kangaroo eeked out another victory. In the 2008 Democratic Primary, I voted for my man Barack, but the Ice Queen blew him out in California. Thankfully, the same didn't go for the majority of the nation. And now, in the 2008 Presidential Election, I have voted for the Obama/Biden ticket 3 weeks in advance. I am cautiously optimistic that my losing streak will end not only for my personal ego but for the benefit of earth as a whole. Not to be facetious or anything, but I truly do believe that when Sarah Palin becomes president, while McCain is hooked up to a dialysis machine, being nourished through IV fluids, the sky will open up and we will witness the coming of the Apocalypse.

Barack Obama. Joe Biden. Swing states. America. Let's do it right this time. Can't you see that we've tried the other party for a really long time and it hasn't worked at all? Don't you want the other nations in the world to look up to us again? Can't we put away our Canadian flag pins when traveling?

Not to belabor the point that has been driven for two years now's time for a change.

3:13 PM


This page is powered by Blogger.Humor Blog Top Sites