Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.



  • Behavioral Therapist
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  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA




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Tuesday, November 04, 2008  
Frack the Vote
This is it. Today's the day that this god damn election is over and hopefully the only politician I've ever admired will come out on top. Since 2004 when he spoke at the DNC I thought he should be president. Last December, I self-righteously proclaimed that an Obama/Biden ticket would be amazing. I sense that the 4 year wait will pay off.

Recently, I reminisced back to the elections we had to partake in as band geeks in high school: the election of the next drum major. My first year voting, as a frightened and perpetually awkward teenager, the competitors were Lorden something and John Hirsch, two soon to be seniors. After placing our votes in a box at the end of rehearsal, I was approached by John and was asked if I voted for him. Throwing all notions of voter confidentiality aside, I replied that I did, because I had. Shortly after, I was approached by Lorden and was asked the same question. I responded that I had and then decided to add a, "You did great, man." He walked away pumping his fist. Why I said this to him I do not know. Perhaps it was peer pressure. Perhaps it would just have been strange to tell him the truth. In the end, Lorden won, and he believed that I helped him get there when in reality I didn't and thought he was a pompus douche. I shutter at the thought that my words, fallacious in nature, could have boosted his self-confidence in any way.

In contrast, if I were to be approached today by John McCain and Barack Obama, in a similar fashion to snot-nosed, pimply high school juniors, I would not hesitate to tell Barack Obama that I have been voting for him in my heart for 4 years and have cast my ballot in his favor. I would then hug him until the secret service pried me off. Yes, I have a man crush on Obama...and also on Don Draper...it's platonic ladies, I swear. If John McCain were to then ask me who I voted for I would not seek approval of him by lying. I would blatantly and tell him that I would unequivocally never vote for the man that he has become during this campaign, based on his backwards ideals and as a matter of principle. I do not want an ailing man sauntering around the oval office while Caribou Barbie knits in the corner.

In every election I've voted in, my guy has lost. The first election I voted in was the California Recall Election in which I voted against the recall. That didn't fly, so I then voted for Cruz Bustamante to replace Gray Davis. Instead, the Austrian mass of meat said, "Not dis time," and inexplicably, in the face of logic and common sense, became the Governator instead. Whatever happened to Cruz Bustamante anyway? The next major election I participated in was the 2004 Democratic Primary. I voted for Wesley Clark to become the Democratic nominee. Instead, Treebeard lumbered over the finish line to the yawn of democrats everywhere. Then, in the 2004 Presidential Election, Captain Kangaroo eeked out another victory. In the 2008 Democratic Primary, I voted for my man Barack, but the Ice Queen blew him out in California. Thankfully, the same didn't go for the majority of the nation. And now, in the 2008 Presidential Election, I have voted for the Obama/Biden ticket 3 weeks in advance. I am cautiously optimistic that my losing streak will end not only for my personal ego but for the benefit of earth as a whole. Not to be facetious or anything, but I truly do believe that when Sarah Palin becomes president, while McCain is hooked up to a dialysis machine, being nourished through IV fluids, the sky will open up and we will witness the coming of the Apocalypse.

Barack Obama. Joe Biden. Swing states. America. Let's do it right this time. Can't you see that we've tried the other party for a really long time and it hasn't worked at all? Don't you want the other nations in the world to look up to us again? Can't we put away our Canadian flag pins when traveling?

Not to belabor the point that has been driven for two years now but...it's time for a change.
3:13 PM
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