Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

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Friday, August 13, 2010  
Truckin' Like Bunnies
As this is the final post I will be writing from the sometimes frozen, sometimes boiling, always dirty, always mean, city of Manhattan, I feel it is apropos to write about how I am going to get the hell out of here, and that is by the bizarre, tedious human practice of moving.

While normal, sane people, when moving cross-country, would most likely ship their belongings and fly to their destination, I, as the young, impulsive, invincible type, have chosen the alternative of driving a big-ass truck (that's taken from the truck company's website) and driving it across the country. Partially inspired by Jack Kerouac, and otherwise inspired by seeing a moving truck company with their company name and motto emblazoned on the side of their vehicle: "Rabbit Movers: Truckin' Like Bunnies," we have created an itinerary which will be closely followed on our trek from the elitist East Coast, through the moral Midwest, down through the kinda weird and racist middle part, over to the elitist (but better) West Coast.

However, one substantial obstacle stands in our way, other than 4000 miles or so of land, and that is getting all of our belongings down from our 5th floor apartment of a 5-story walk-up, to street level and into a truck. And despite my impressive musculature, it is rather impossible for me to navigate a 7 foot tall, 200 pound entertainment center.

Enter Craigslist.

A kindly ad was posted at 12:30 AM, offering $150 for two burly people to help us move our stuff down from our apartment.

At 12:32 AM, I had 865 responses.

I received many responses that were cordial and normal. Others were not.

call me we are two people
If you're trying to get a job, you should probably work on your charisma and descriptiveness. All I'm saying is a "hi" wouldn't hurt.

My name is Daisuke and I'm an 18 year old male. I've done moving gigs on craigslist and I'm glad to see that you are not offering slave labor rates.
I'm going to college soon so I've been doing a lot of gigs recently. If you need my help on Monday I would be very responsible, efficient, and competent.
I played football in HS so I can deal with heavy loads. If you give me the right directions for moving the large furniture I should be very able for the job.

I use a blackberry so if you want to make last minute changes, I can answer quickly.
I have a resume and picture on file if you need them.

Thanks for your time and consideration.

An attempt to be charming and prove his physical worth to me...but too much information overall. Keep it short and sweet next time. Also, directions for moving the furniture? That would be towards the door and down 5 flights of stairs, Dragonball.

Then it got more interesting.

I am a young female interested in helping youu move your things into the truck pleasee contact me backk with further infoo
Not to be sexist, but I was totally not expecting the ladies to respond. I would have hired her on the spot, but the girlfriend vetoed.

hi im an xmover
Again, work on the tact. It's like these people don't want to move heavy crap down stairs for an hour.

I am very in helping u move furniture.
I'm not sure what you're trying to say. This sounds like a pick-up line.

Hello I'm Marvin Jackson I would love to help you We have
refernces also and load a good truck ! We are strong and clean shaven
There we go! That's some of the charm I'm looking for. Also, Marvin Jackson sounds like a... strong... name.

But then came, as the French might call, le coup de grĂ¢ce. The finishing blow, to end all mover responses to my Craigslist ad.

Hey man, hows it going? I'm a college student home for the summer, almost 20 can lift up to/ in slight excess of 100 lbs, I'm very interested in this position. I really hope to do this tomorrow morning , maybe around 10:30am?

Best Wishes,
Ok, again an awkward introduction followed by overly descriptive notes about his alleged physique. He also got the day wrong, but I'll let it slide.

But then I scrolled further.

Let's, just for a moment, ignore the serial killer grimace, the expansive bookshelf in the background that indicates this is his mother's house and the pasty white arm matter that couldn't lift 100 pounds if his Larry the Cable Guy DVD collection depended on it . Let's, instead draw our attention to the portrait of two, possibly three, Yorkshire Terriers behind this fellow.

Everything about you scares me, sir. And I could only think of one possible response to his email...


9:47 PM


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