Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

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    Mission Impossible
    A Dangerous Method

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    The Life & Times of Tim

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    by George R.R. Martin

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    Newt Gingrich

  • Group of People to Despise:
    Fox & Friends


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Monday, February 14, 2005  
Happy Venerial Disease Day Everyone
Well, it has come around again. The day where many, many Americans feel depressed and lonely thanks to the likes of Hallmark and florists everywhere. But feel comforted, you single guy or gal for you are not alone. For every lonely soul there are ten and you can rest assured that you will most likely not run into one of these loveless people anytime soon because, well, life doesn't work out that way.

As I sit here in the computer lab, not having lunch with a significant other, not surprsing a gal with flowers in her Biology of Fire Ants lecture, not serenading a girl from outside her discussion with a Rod Stewart medley, I know that this day is like any other. Sure there's a girl sitting 3 seats away from me cursing herself for losing at whatever brainless online game she's playing, but she doesn't seem like the social type so why should I bother her? (She looks like she had five too many buckets of chicken this weekend anyway if you catch my drift) Sure I may say "Happy Venerial Disease Day" to any of these perky yuppies who have the nerve to say "Happy Valentines Day" to me but so what? Does that mean that I'm not looking for someone? I mean think of how many STDs I'm not contracting tonight.

So as you, you lonely gal, and you, you depressed guy, down another Ridalin this night of so-called love, be comforted that tomorrow morning you won't be forced to apply genital wart cream upon your infected love snake or love bush, you'll just be washing your pillow cases that were doused in your salty tears the night before.

3:07 PM


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