Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

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    Fox & Friends


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Saturday, January 09, 2010  
Airplane Dumb
Yet again, I'm baffling everyone born prior to 1950 by utilizing Wifi internet on an airplane. Although, given the fun happenings on airlines since the last time I flew two weeks ago, I should really be thankful I'm sitting here. I've already gotten used to taking my shoes off for no reason, as well as the "random" bag checks, but now I have to be concerned about being strip-searched? If my Star Wars boxers are any indication, the TSA has nothing to fear of me.

On this go-around, however, an elderly, Jesus-loving white lady from Alabama (indicated by her sweater with "ALABAMA" emblazoned in red across it) just in front of me received the random bag check. Not your friendly neighborhood hybrid middle-eastern. It was upon being gestured to walk through the metal detector that the TSA operative seemed to regret not giving me a cavity search.


I assumed he was joking.

"Uh....It's Stephen Colbert."
"'K Thanks!"

Clearly my choice of shirt set off a code red in this young gentleman's amygdala.

I suppose a caucasian-looking man with glasses looking stern, a la Che, on one's shirt signals "trouble-maker" according to TSA criterion.

Because if I was working under orders of a mullah in my hometown of Yemen City, Yemen, I would print his face on my bright red shirt....and then wear it to the airport.

But in truth, other than that awkward hiccup, going through airport security was no less intrusive or painful than normal.

What is painful is the fact that this East Rutherford, New Jersey hag sitting in front of me has decided to lean her chair back so far into the lap area of my personal space, perhaps thinking I'm Santa Claus, that I can smell her shampoo... or lack thereof.

I'm not sure if mozarella sticks and butane is a scent that Garnier Fructis produces.

ADDENDUM: So it turns out that if said hag gets up to go to the bathroom, and then a sneaky 20-something reaches from behind to press the release button for their chair, they will return thinking that their chair is positioned exactly as they left it.

Ive League Brat 1, New Jersey 0

6:22 PM


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