Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

  • Movies to See:
    Mission Impossible
    A Dangerous Method

  • TV Shows to Watch:
    The Life & Times of Tim

  • Book to Read:
    Game of Thrones
    by George R.R. Martin

  • Album to Listen to:
    The Black Keys
    El Camino

  • Person to Hate:
    Newt Gingrich

  • Group of People to Despise:
    Fox & Friends


Bitchin Links

Blogs and Writers of Note

Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

Ravi's Blog

Lauren's Blog

Cheryl's LiveJournal

TV Squad

The Soup


Best Week Ever

The Chive

On Location Vacations

Cute Overload

Michael Moore's Blog

Joel Stein Columns

Maureen Dowd Columns

Secular Coalition of America

Richard Dawkins

Personal Stuff

My Facebook

My Twitter

My YouTube Videos

My DVD Collection

My Books

Machatz Self-Defense

For Politics and Political Satire

The Huffington Post


The Daily Beast

The Onion

The Colbert Nation


The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

For Entertainment

Ain't It Cool News


Rotten Tomatoes

DVD Active

Movie Stinger


The Daily Wav

Movie Mistakes

For Humor and Other Things

HuffPost Comedy

Funny or Die

The Lonely Island

Shit My Dad Says

F My Life

Daily Python

College Humor

Super Mario Crossover

People of Walmart

E-Mails from an Asshole

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

God Checker

Church Sign Maker

Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes

For Bruins

The Daily Bruin

Bruins Nation

Bruin Basketball Report

UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

Old Stuff

March 2003

April 2003

May 2003

June 2003

July 2003

August 2003

September 2003

October 2003

November 2003

December 2003

January 2004

February 2004

March 2004

April 2004

May 2004

June 2004

July 2004

August 2004

September 2004

October 2004

November 2004

December 2004

January 2005

February 2005

March 2005

April 2005

May 2005

June 2005

July 2005

August 2005

September 2005

October 2005

November 2005

December 2005

January 2006

February 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

September 2007

November 2007

January 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

November 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

January 2010

February 2010

March 2010

April 2010

June 2010

August 2010

November 2010

December 2010

February 2011

April 2011

May 2011

July 2011


Tuesday, July 19, 2011  
Avada Kedouche
I am a geek. I am a nerd. I am a fanboy
. I follow things associated with movies, television, books and video games much too closely, and I am very good at it. As such, due to the time and (some might call unhealthy amount of) effort, I take activities such as seeing the season finale of a show or, say, going to see a movie for the first time very seriously. That is, timeliness is essential, distractions during the film are unacceptable, the light from your texting on your cellphone will raise my blood pressure, bathroom breaks are inconceivable and I might become homicidal if any of these stipulations are violated.

Take my recent outing to see "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2." Now this series is a special case, as it has seen nearly a decade of film watching and almost 8 years (in my case) of book reading. That translates to a lot of time investment. The screening of the film was preceded, naturally, by the purchasing of tickets a week in advance, a viewing of Part 1 and departing for the theater in a timely manner, particularly due to carmageddon. We arrived to the theater with plenty of time, settled in our seats and prepared ourselves for a tremendous cinematic experience a decade in the making. All of my aforementioned prerequisites for seeing a geek-infused film were followed to the T.

Except for twenty.

Now, if you're going to show up to a movie late, even after 25 minutes of previews, fine, but it is a generally accepted social convention that you shut the fuck up as you enter the theater. That includes talking (you don't have to say "excuse me" when passing people, honestly) and walking in 9-inch clogs. Also, while the house lights may have been dimmed due to the movie, there is still full visibility, thus you do not need a god damn motherfracking FLASHLIGHT to find your way to your clearly visible seat. Next, once you find your seat, it is also common sense that you TURN OFF SAID FLASHLIGHT and kindly not SHINE IT PEOPLE'S FACES as they are trying to immerse themselves in the final chapter of the Potter-verse.

Alright, so you've galloped into the theater in your Swedish footwear, dilated everyone's pupils and sat your fat ass down. The apex of your extreme ignorance, rudeness and overall stupidfuckocity must have been reached right? Wrong. Need I also remind you that a film screening is not a prudent venue to rifle through your oversized purse for even more snacks packaged in cacophonous plastic wrap, which you are clearly incapable of opening in under 7 minutes, in order to maximize your already titanic, insulin-spiking caloric intake for the evening.

Alright so that's over and done with. Harry has located another horcrux to destrOH WAIT YOU NEED TO SHINE THE FLASHLIGHT IN EVERYONE'S FACES AGAIN, DON'T YOU!? Is it that you cannot properly see the popcorn that you are stuffing into your greasy maw? No, by all means, please shake the bag of popcorn some more and pour it into two other boxes. Jesus assfucking Christ.

It's the end of the movie. It was brilliant. We survived the onslaught of unbridled idiocy that embodied our theater companion. What's there left to do? Verbally berate that piece of gutter trash who took away from an absolute perfect cinematic experience.

"HEY LADY! That was a really cool flashlight! Where did you get it?! Can I see it??"

Oh she doesn't speak English? That's even better. Wait, you're now turning to my friend who was telling me she doesn't speak English to call her immature?!

It's people like that who demand that we need Death Eaters in this world.

And not the kind that are in the Republican Party.

3:46 AM


This page is powered by Blogger.Humor Blog Top Sites