Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.




  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA




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Thursday, June 12, 2008  
How Do You Say "Kosher" in Swahili?
I tend to discuss things that piss me off but the truth is that many things make me happy. Mom having dinner for me when I get home. My girlfriend wearing those form-fitting black jeans I so enjoy. Attending a screening of the Battlestar Galactica season finale two days before it airs on TV followed by a Q&A with the cast and creator of the show. Then there are opportunities I find to make an awkward situation even more awkward, either by accident or on purpose, such as loudly inviting Starbuck to come sit next to me, with no success, at the aforementioned screening, leading to maniacal stare-downs from rabid fan boys around me, as well as my own girlfriend.

But truly, a smile can come from the most inane things that have no significance in the grand scheme of things, but dagnabbit, they're great while they last. Such as the moment I have the privilege to read the following:

Regarding the kashrut of giraffe, remember that the method of slaughter is as critical as whether or not the beast has a cleft foot. So, in order for a giraffe to be kosher, it must be slaughtered under rabbinical supervision in a humane manner, which is essentially a quick slash with a sharp knife to the carotid artery. Therefore, a giraffe killed by a big game hunter with a high powered rifle is not kosher. Now, while this is largely irrelevant concerning giraffes, it IS germane to the kosher-ness of venison. Deer, like cows and giraffes, have cleft feet; but again, a deer shot by a hunter is not kosher. However, your observant venison lovers (and it is a tasty meat) can get farm raised and kosher-slaughtered venison here in the US at a select few high end kosher butchers in places like NY, Chicago and LA. Thought you'd wanna know.
By golly I sure did wanna know because when I tag along on a safari with a local synagogue and our jeep breaks down in the middle of the Serengeti, I want to be able to know that myself, as well as my Jewish friends, will be safe to take down a giraffe or two and sap from it every bit of nutrition needed in our desperate hour of need. Brown and white polka-dotted shmear anyone?

No longer shall African beasts be passed over for shrubbery due to rabbinical decrees. I urge the Jewish community to not stop at the giraffe but to look to other animals of the wild. Why stop at the giraffe when the rhino, the meerkat and the warthog remain? Ok scratch the last one.

I don't know about any of you, but when I watch the opening sequence of the Lion King, I don't see a portrayal of beautiful exotic animals. I see a buffet.

3:59 PM
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