The Jazzy Bahsoun

Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

Behavioral Therapist
MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

Movies to See:
Mission Impossible
Haywire
Shame
A Dangerous Method
Underworld:Awakening

TV Shows to Watch:
Portlandia
The Life & Times of Tim

Book to Read:
Game of Thrones
by George R.R. Martin

Album to Listen to:
The Black Keys
El Camino

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Newt Gingrich

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Fox & Friends

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007
You Can't Spell Opportunity Without Pity
As I sit here, an unemployed graduate of UCLA (with one class left to take in the summer), I am left with the memories of 4 years of occasional torture, occasional pleasure, opportunities gained and opportunities lost. In my years at UCLA, I've had chances to have jobs (that I've been fired from), internships (that I've been underqualified for) and other opportunities which had little or no chance of advancing my career or education for that matter.

I recently found a flier/postcard I'd saved for no apparent reason, other than novelty, from last year entitled: "Life in the sex industry: A real look by people who have been there and how Jesus offers true pleasure, forgiveness and hope." I remember being asked by an enthusiastic Asian fellow offering me a can of Rockstar along with the flier, "You wanna see pornstars speak in Young Hall?!" I thought, in my remedial mind, "Hell yeah I do!" Then I saw the flier and saw that the pornstars were now known as "JC's Girls Girls Girls." I thought I might go just for the experience of seeing pornstars turned nuns speak in a chemistry lecture hall. But I decided I didn't want to drive back to campus that night. So instead I saved the flier. Just as the Girls Girls Girls received an opportunity from Jesus to...stop having sex (?), I rescinded an offer to see these ex-pornstars speak. No big loss. My life carried on.

A couple weeks ago as I was talking to one of my friends in front of the library, I was approached abruptly by an androgynous person (who later turned out to be a female).

"Uh, excuse me, but are you busy this week?"
"Um...what do you mean?"
"I was just looking for a hair model..."
"..."
"I work at Vidal Sassoon in Westwood..."
"Ok..."
"I need to cut someone's hair...and I need a male hair model.... and I was wondering if you wanted to be my hair model."
"Oh...well....my hair? Well...I just had it pretty short so I'm trying to grow it out."
"Oh you're trying to grow it out."
"Yeah I'm trying to grow it out."
"Ok I understand. Thanks."
"Sorry. I'm flattered though?"
"Unintelligible"

At first I thought, "My job worries are over! I can be a model!" But then I thought, "Oh shit...I don't wanna be a model." Then, "Who is this creature asking me at random to cut my hair? I like my hair....Is there even a Vidal Sassoon in Westwood?" Lost opportunity to be a hair model. Gained opportunity to have an awkward exchange with an interesting character.

As I've been trying to find a job of some sort for next year, I've gone from presenting myself as a qualified individual in the field of psychology...to absolute desperation. I've gone from being a First Class European Escort to a Homeless Brazilian Leper turning tricks under the New Jersey Turnpike (what?). I'm used to telling my boring story of, "Oh I'm taking a year off to apply to graduate school and planning on researching with a professor in the psychology department to gain research experience and better preparation for graduate school blah blah blah." I've found that now that I'm going for the pity approach, I'm getting more offers for research jobs than I did when I was confident and boastful. After dropping off my lab report during finals week, one of the TAs asked me "what I was doing next." After telling him my usual story without any adjectives or complete sentences, he offered me a job to work in his electrophysiology lab attaching electrodes to people and recording...something. I met with a professor right after using the same approach and he offered me a job operating on rats and attaching electrodes (psychologists love electrodes) in their brains for a study on anorexia (Calista Flockrat). When I finally begin applying for graduate school, I've decided that the best approach was not to say how much experience I've gained or what great grades I've earned (HA) but to discuss my hardships and follies. Pity is something that seems to work in persuading people. Sure it's a form of manipulation but it's a win-win situation. The employer or recruiter fills their job position with a handsome young buck and the employee gets a job.

It just goes to show that when you go looking for opportunities, they never appear. You just have to be prepared to wait for opportunities to fall in your lap. The sad puppy dog face does wonders on job recruiters, as well as any family or health problems you've been having. They just eat it up. I mean how could my advice not prove to be right. Look at how many jobs I've not been fired from and how many paid gigs I've had....

On second thought, there probably isn't a key to finding employment. It's more of a right place, right time kind of thing. Or maybe it's a what's good for the goose, is good for the gander kind of thing. In any case, if anyone is looking for an enthusiastic, recent graduate of UCLA to be someone's work monkey for anything psychology related, he is well experienced in working for no pay, watching TV, marching, procrastinating then working really hard at the last minute and Microsoft Excel.

5:21 AM
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