The Jazzy Bahsoun

Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

Behavioral Therapist
MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

Movies to See:
Mission Impossible
Haywire
Shame
A Dangerous Method
Underworld:Awakening

TV Shows to Watch:
Portlandia
The Life & Times of Tim

Book to Read:
Game of Thrones
by George R.R. Martin

Album to Listen to:
The Black Keys
El Camino

Person to Hate:
Newt Gingrich

Group of People to Despise:
Fox & Friends

Bitchin Links

Blogs and Writers of Note

Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

Ravi's Blog

Lauren's Blog

Cheryl's LiveJournal

TV Squad

The Soup

Cracked

Best Week Ever

The Chive

On Location Vacations

Cute Overload

Michael Moore's Blog

Joel Stein Columns

Maureen Dowd Columns

Secular Coalition of America

Richard Dawkins

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My Facebook

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My YouTube Videos

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My Books

Machatz Self-Defense

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The Huffington Post

Salon.com

Politico

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The Onion

The Colbert Nation

Truthdig

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

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Ain't It Cool News

IGN

Rotten Tomatoes

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Movie Stinger

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Movie Mistakes

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F My Life

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Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes

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The Daily Bruin

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UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

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Sunday, January 21, 2007
The Year that Sucked
It occured to me that I've been making these top 10 lists since 2003. That's...a long time ago. I was barely a freshman in college, immature, frightened and stupid. And now here I am in 2007, a senior in college about to graduate (shudder)... immature, frightened and stupid. What a long way I've come.

So now, let's finally put the year that was to rest for good...by reminiscing on what were the worst excuses for entertainment in 2006. The fact that five of the movies on my top 10 most anticipated list from last year, three of which made it to this year's top 10 worst list, is disheartening. Here's to a better year at the movies.

Top Ten Worst Movies of 2006

10. THE LAST KISS

Ok this movie wasn't actually a bad movie. I gave it 4/5 stars on Netflix. So why's it on this list? Because it was just so god damn depressing in the way it depicted relationships. While watching scenes from this movie I would think to myself, "Oh that's funny...that's something I would say," and then the guy's girlfriend would slap him or throw a bottle at him. I guess I need some work.

9. CARS

Pixar usually doesn't disappoint...usually. This movie was just so long and so into itself that it drove (haha) me nuts. It dragged on for about an hour too long, the animation wasn't that impressive and Owen Wilson's voice is grating. The fact that I hate car racing as a "sport" doesn't help either.

8. THE DA VINCI CODE

Ok the movie was entertaining enough but it suffered from a bad case of "The Audience is Filled with Mental Defects so Let's Spell Everything Out For Them" Syndrome (or TAiFwMDsLSEOFT Syndrome for you psych majors out there). And I don't think I've spoken to someone who wasn't profoundly disturbed by Tom Hankses doo. A coiffe that would make Donald Trump blush.

7. HOSTEL

It's tradition to have at least one movie on this list that I haven't seen, and this movie I will not see under any circumstances. This isn't a horror movie, it's a sadistic, disgusting piece of junk. Would you like to watch 2 hours of some guy torturing another human being? I saw one scene from this movie by accident and it involved the torturer taking a blow torch to a young girl's eyeball. The eye then swells up and pops out of the socket. I just have one question, when's the inevitable sequel coming out?

6. THE SENTINEL

I saw this movie for one reason and one reason only: Kiefer. Except, Jack Bauer didn't make an appearance in this movie. It was some strange caricature of him that led to a boring as hell storyline that I could care less about. Oh and hey Eva Longoria...stop trying to act in serious roles. Stick with that Housewives gig for a couple of months before it gets cancelled then go sell blenders with Suzanne Somers on QVC. I saw you at that gym...you're not that hot.

5. SNAKES ON A PLANE

No one was expecting Oscar-calibre writing or acting from this movie. They just wanted to be entertained by a mindless movie about serpents on an airline. Instead everyone was pretty much laughing at the movie....not with it.

4. LADY IN THE WATER

Hey Mortimer Night (that's what the M stands for doesn't it?)... stop smokin' the ganja when you come up with your movies. Basing a movie off of a crackheaded fairytale you tell your kids? Cute, but lame. Nice try.

3. THE NIGHT LISTENER

I have NO cuhlue what was happening in this movie, nor did I care. I just know that Robin Williams didn't crack any jokes, Christina from "Grey's Anatomy" had 3 lines in the movie and Macullay Culkin's brother is in it for a few minutes. And clocking in at 1 hour and 16 minutes, this barely qualifies as a film.

2. MIAMI VICE

I saw this movie for free (thank god) at the Director's Guild and for most of the movie, people were cracking up either at the ridiculous dialogue, the sex scenes that didn't make any sense (how can you make a sex scene unintelligible) and the horrible acting. Even the gunfire wasn't realistic...they sounded like paintball guns. Walking out of the theater I heard at least 3 times people mumbling under their breath various forms of, "What asshole greenlit that piece of crap," or, "I want the last 2 hours of my life back."

1. X-MEN 3: THE LAST STAND

Everyone who has spoken to me at least once since May knows how much this movie made me mad. Why should a stupid movie get to me like that? Because it only destroyed a little piece of my childhood that I was still holding on to. You don't kill every beloved character from the storyline just because you can't pay them or you want to end the franchise cause you got in a fight with Bryan Singer. These comic books were a part of my youth and Brett Ratner and Halle Berry and the so-called screenwriters went and pissed on it, vomited on it, fell asleep on it, drooled a little, woke up, then pissed on it again. This is a disgraceful piece of filmmaking and is an insult to passionate fanboys such as myself.

That was emotionally draining. Closing out the annual tradition for 2006, here are the movies I'm looking forward to seeing in the coming year. Hopefully none of them will end up on next year's top 10 worst list.

Top Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2007

10. EVAN ALMIGHTY - June 22nd

9. THE SIMPSONS MOVIE - July 27th

8. OCEAN'S 13 - June 8th

7. SHREK THE THIRD - May 18th

6. THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM - August 3rd

5. TRANSFORMERS - July 4th

4. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END - May 26th

3. 300 - March 9th

2. HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX - July 13th

1. SPIDER-MAN 3 - May 4th

Well there you have it. Judge me if you will for my choices, but you must keep in mind...that I know more than you.

10:08 PM
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Monday, January 08, 2007
The Top Tens of 2006
As I sit here wisdom toothless, storing chestnuts in my cheeks for the long winter ahead, I feel it is time to finally put to rest the absolutely miserable year that was 2006, by reminiscing about the high points in the entertainment realm of last year. Here are, in my humble opinion, the best movies and TV shows of 2006.

Some movies like Blood Diamond and Children of Men that may have made this list are missing because I simply haven't seen them. Other movies which I thought would make the list which I saw at the very end of the year, like The Good Shepherd, didn't make the list because I hated it. I've also come to realize that while I generally have good taste in films, I'm not very good at these lists. So take them with a grain of salt...as well as the fact that I'm a pop culture guru.

Top Ten Movies of 2006

10. SUPERMAN RETURNS and V FOR VENDETTA

It's almost a prerequisite for my lists that I have at least one geek-tastic movie on my list. Ok so I'm cheating and putting two at the number 10 spot. Superhero films just seem to invigorate the imagination and spirit of when we were children. That sounds unbelievably hokey and cheesy but for a guy who refuses to part with the immature kid in him, these comic book films are pure nirvana. And sometimes they can take the comic book movie thing and take it a step further. Superman is a deity come to earth to save its helpless people and V is a psychopath who believes that to do civic and political good, he must blow up lots of things, but his idealogies aren't that insane when you take out the blowing up stuff part. Long live geekdom.

9. A SCANNER DARKLY

I didn't really understand what the hell was going on in this movie when I was watching it. I was pretty much just mesmorized by its insanely unique visual style. For those who haven't seen it, it'll bluntly obvious what I'm talking about when you see it. This is a sci-fi movie set in the approximate modern day and asks what several depressing movies ask. They ask us the existential questions of our existence. I can't really describe this movie very well so I'll just leave a poingnant quote read by the brilliant actor Keanu Reeves that had me questioning, well...life.

"What does a scanner see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does it see into me? Into us? Clearly or darkly? I hope it sees clearly because I can't any longer see into myself. I see only murk. I hope for everyone's sake the scanners do better, because if the scanner sees only darkly the way I do, then I'm cursed and cursed again and like we have been continually, and we'll wind up dead this way, knowing very little and getting that little fragment wrong too. "

8. AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

If the Al Gore from this movie was the same Al Gore who ran for president in 2000...the world would be a very different place. In any case, this movie is scary as all hell but is one of the most important movies that everyone has to see. Hey Bill O'Reilly, weather isn't cyclical. Hey Rush Limbaugh, the earth doesn't renew itself if the disgusting humans keep destroying it. What it will do to renew itself is rid itself of the plague of humans. Yeah. It sucks. But mother earth giveth life and it taketh away.

7. CASINO ROYALE

This movie did for the Bond franchise what Batman Begins did for the Batman franchise. I was expecting this movie to be entertaining but it goes above and beyond pure entertainment and revitatlizes a beloved character from the movie and book franchise. Who knew Bond bled? You can't go to this movie and not have a blast. Daniel Craig is James Bond.

6. BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN

I have never laughed so hard in any movie nor have I been so grossed out in any movie...ever. I take an ounce of pride in knowing who Borat, Ali G and Bruno were way before the masses did but having seen the original series on HBO in no way prepared me for what I was gonna see in this movie. It was brilliant social commentary as well as sheer ingenius comedy. See it. Laugh. Maybe throw up. Maybe walk out of the room. But more importantly. See it. VERRRY NIIICCEE.

5. UNITED 93

This is one of the most powerful movies that I never want to see again. I've never felt so tense and nervous watching a DVD but this movie is very affecting in that way. It's tough to watch at some points but is a fantastic piece of filmmaking. It's not biased in any way politically or otherwise, it's just about the people on that flight.

4. VOLVER

American audiences don't really know that Penelope Cruz is actually a good actress. But in her native tongue she really is. This movie has comedy, drama, ghosts, murder, some incest and is just a beautiful film to look at. Pedro Almodovar never disappoints and continues his streak in this emotionally engaging Spanish number.

3. LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

I originally saw this movie for Steve Carrell, but came out of it loving the entire cast. This movie is about the type of people I love to hear stories about: losers. But these are losers who figure out, in those 2 days in that dysfunctional van, that each of them are hiding behind something and trying to be something they're not. It's funny, heartbreaking and charming and deserves to be loved by all who see it.

2. PAN'S LABYRINTH

This movie is one of the most haunting and spectacular movies that I've seen in the last few years. Who knew that a cute fairytale about a little girl encountering fairies, fauns and monsters could be seemlessly juxtaposed with the jarring wartime environment of post-Civil War Spain. Between the sadistic general who she lives with and the hands-for-eyes Pale Man, the audience doesn't really know which monsters are worse. The images will follow you long after you see leave the theater and its storytelling style will stay with you for even longer.

1. THE DEPARTED

In the past few years, gangland dramas have been shoved down America's throat. From The Sopranos to Goodfellas, it seems like we've seen all there is to see about those gun-toting, no-goodnicks from the east side. This movie is a ride from the very beginning following the Bostonian Irish gangsters with Jack Nicholson at the helm, Matt Damon as a crooked cop and Leonardo DiCaprio as a guy caught in the middle. And I can't neglect my favorite character in any film from recent memory and that's Mark Wahlberg. I will be quoting his foulmouthed quips for a long time to come. I'm seldom surprised by movie twists but this movie did deal some surprising blows to me, and I loved watching it happen.

While it's somewhat more difficult to select the ten best films in any given year, it is way more difficult to pick the best TV shows. It's like picking a favorite child. I spend so much time and energy with each of them that to rank them is tough. But there has been some quality television this past year, as in every year.

Top Ten TV Shows of 2006

10. FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

I'm somewhat hesitant to put "new" shows on these lists because we haven't been able to see a full season before being able to properly judge it...but I make exceptions. This show isn't about football. It's not really about Texas either. (Thank god). It's about highschool, sex, sports and hardships outside of academia that kids go through in highschool. This is a gritty version of The OC without the gay...not that there's anything wrong with that.

9. THE SHIELD

I'm not ashamed to admit that I can't always follow this show's storylines or dialogue. I just don't know what these crooked cops are talking about most of the time. But it doesn't really matter because all we need to see is that douchebag Vic Mackey being a slimy cop with his cronies, backstabbing his friends, stealing money, drugs, and all the while...the audience is kinda rooting for him. The next season is supposed to be its last and Vic has just gotta go down in flames.

8. SCRUBS

This show has been around for a long while and I hope it stays around even more. It never fails to make me giggle or smile and at the same time be sweet at the same time. It's just an enjoyable show to watch. I remember I was supposed to intern for this show...that never came to fruition. (See Last Post: Will Work for Job).

7. WEEDS

Put down your hammer Parent Television Council. This show isn't for the young ones but it doesn't change the fact that this is one of the most innovative and hilarious shows on TV. I am told that watching this show on weed is a lot better than when not...I wouldn't know....but I'll take your word for it...

6. RESCUE ME

Tommy Gavin is SO ANNOYING. He basically sucks at everything in life except being a firefighter. He gets better then he gets worst then he gets better then he gets worst. Two steps forward, five steps back. When last we left him, he was caught in a burning house. He'll probably get out of it only to screw something else up again. You can't help but watch this alcoholic son of a bitch week to week though.

5. LOST

Ok so after the season premiere this season, it was a huge letdown. But you know what? We're still gonna watch. You know why? Cause we have to know what the HELL IS GOING ON ON THIS DAMN ISLAND. You know why? Cause we're stupid. And you know what? I don't think the writers know what the hell is going on on the DAMN ISLAND. Why? Because they know we're stupid.

4. GREY'S ANATOMY

Ok so like...I really hate this show. Ok I don't hate the show. I hate Meredith Grey. No, you don't understand...I hate Meredith Grey. So why do I watch it? Cause it's so god damn addictive and every other character except for Meredith is such a good character. Except for that Mexican bear. She friggin scares me. I don't know about you but I think a show that annoys me but still gets me to watch deserves to be on this list.

3. 24

Did any other show grab your attention last year and seize it without letting go until its insane season finale!? We just cannot get enough of Jack Bauer and his suicidal attempts to save, like, the world. But seriously. WHAT'D THE CHINESE DO WITH JACK!?!?

2. THE OFFICE

No show makes me laugh more and at the same time makes me care about the characters more than this show. Who wasn't rooting for Jim and Pam at the end of last season? And who wasn't totally heartbroken when Jim transferred out of Scranton? If you didn't, you have no soul. Oh and also, Steve Carrell is a genius.

1. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

Are you really surprised? PEOPLE! THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW ON TELEVISION!! This show may be set on a spaceship but it conveys powerful human emotions and situations that affect its audience like no other show. The show took a huge gamble by leaping forward one year after settling on a new planet but the gamble totally paid off. This show displays real-world problems like war, torture, ethic and religion in its sci-fi/drama setting but they are virtually inseparable from the ones from our own universe. Watch it on TV. Netflix it. Anything. Give it a chance and you will fall in love.

SPECIAL RECOGNITION: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

I would've put this show on the regular list but it deserves to be placed above all the rest. It was taken away from us way too soon but while it was on, it was, and is, the most innovative and best comedy on television. Period. I will miss the Bluth family for a long time to come but it was sweet while they were around.

Honorable Mentions

HEROES - I really want to find out why the hell we have to save the cheerleader and save the world.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - This may be the most quotable show on TV right now. It's legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is...dary!

HOUSE - Dr. House is one of the best characters on TV. The show is formulaic but it serves a purpose.

VENTURE BROS. - This show always makes me laugh, no exception. It's pure genius, I tell you.

Here's to hoping that this year will be way better than the last and be as good in terms of entertainment options.

You can never go wrong with picks from The Jazzy Bahsoun, so please. Heed my recommendations. Update your Netflix Queue. You'll thank me later.

6:23 PM
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