Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.



  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA




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    Game of Thrones
    by George R.R. Martin


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Tuesday, December 26, 2006  
Will Work for Job
It is clearly and embarassingly obvious to me that I have absolutely no work ethic. I mean, look how long it took me to crank out the epic that was the Parisian Chronicles. I intended for it to be done before this school year started. Not so, Captain Procrastinator. It took me about 20 weeks to finish the damn thing, about 4 times as long as I was in Paris. Now this might not be a product of having no work ethic and merely the result of being a lazy procrastinator who may or may not be preoccupied with other activities. Be that as it may, looking around at the movie theater today, seeing guys not much older than me working on Christmas rather than being with their families made me feel a little embarassed.

A couple of weeks ago I went in to be interviewed at the Fine Arts Theater by my apartment building, looking for a small part-time job for next quarter. The theater at the time was rented out by a Christian Science Church so I was pretty much scared for my life while I was filling out the application. I was mildy unsettled when, while listing my non-existant references, I heard a voice bellowing through a speaker talking about some guy named "Lord" constantly. But I stuck it out. I talked to the guy in charge of hiring lazy, unemployed college students in his desheveled office and was promptly hired, much to my surprise. He told me that I would be contacted the following week for some training of some sort. I guess tearing tickets and selling Milk Duds entails a 3 hour training session. Unfortunately, the man wanted me to come in for his so-called training the night of the U$C game, in a black bowtie, dress pants and dress shoes no less. As a result, I was stuck in Westwood watching couches burn until 5:30 AM so was not able to attend the all-important...training. Now you may be thinking, "Stop being such a pompous ass. You need to attend training for any job, no matter how 'busy' you claim to be." Well, kind observer, I do agree. So I called the man, let's call him Flod, the following morning and left him a message apologizing for my not attending the training and would love to reschedule. I added a small footnote saying that I would not be able to attend any sort of training that week because it was finals week...but after that I was free. Suffice it to say, Flod has not returned my call.

I've been advised to call the man back, but the thing is is I can't attend any training this week either because I'll be in San Francisco for the Emerald Bowl and if I tell Flod that, I'll be fired once more. Maybe I'll swallow my pride and give Flod another ring when I return, but for now, I remain unpaid and unemployed. The truth is is I have a "job" as a research assistant in the Psych dept. But as my mom politely stated, "That's not a f@&!ing job." I fear she may be right. So I applied to tutor the young ones, something I've done in the past with some degree of success. I wouldn't be as worried about this as a spoiled Beverly Hills brat, but the truth is is that this exact same thing happened three years ago my freshman year at Best Buy where I was "let go" for not being able to attend training. And so followed my extremely fruitful boycott of Best Buy for about 3 months when I realized Circuit City was a far scarier place than Best Buy. What a man, I am.

As graduation looms, it seems as if everyone is employed in some form besides me. Whether I'm actively avoiding it or am just incapable of even starting a job is uncertain. When the only references on my resume are Blockbuster Customer Service Representative for 3 months one summer and an unpaid self-defense instructor for 70 bajillion years, prospects of climbing up the American Dream ladder are grim. I guess the only solution is to stay in school forever. Get into a graduate school and when you graduate be truly unemployed, without academics to fall back on. I always knew the Classifieds section of the newspaper served a purpose other than to line birdcages. And people wonder why generation X-ers (am I generation X? I can never remember) think the future is barren and bleak.

Oh, what a life we lead.
12:13 AM
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