Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.



  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA




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Sunday, April 09, 2006  
Merely Wires and Lights in a Box
This blog recently reached its 300th post, as well as its 13,000th visit and while I'm not sure that these statistics are that groundbreaking, I'm proud of them. It's also occured to me that a good amount of those 300 or so posts have been spent being "emo," namely in the early inception of this website, doing mindless surveys, posting things that I thought would revolutionize the way I and others blog (remember the "Revelations of the Night" that lasted about 2 weeks) and other random two-line posts which in retrospect were completely pointless. Over the past year or so I've been posting more about how ridiculous certain things are in this world and why they piss me off. In addition, the topics of technology and television have been explored. I remember the glory days of worshipping the M3 Power Razor, even though I hated shaving. Now while technology has provided me with endless joys over the years, it has also provided me with numerous hardships. I'm sure many can sympathize with the ongoing war with Apple and the iPod and how their shoddy craftsmanship of their product has led to much suffering. Nevertheless, I have put aside my disdain for their corporation as my current iPod is fully functional (knock wood).... that is until I saw this product:

At first glance, perhaps you'd think, "Oh, how innovative," or, "Oh, how cute and practical." Well, my friend, you'd be gravely mistaken on both counts. Did the head honchos at Apple who authorized this hygenically disastrous product think that people would buy a separate iPod for the specific purpose of lavatory-usage or did they think that people would bring the same one into the bathroom and then walk around with it all day? I mean you can't exactly clean the thing. The damn thing breaks if you look at it in the wrong way so god knows what some water would do to it. Just despicable. Deplorable. Disgusting. Doutrageous.

In addition to the wrongdoings of technology, television, my sweet love, has wronged us as well. I'm not exactly sure what proportion of my postings have been about television but I'm willing to bet that a good amount have been spent either promoting a show, talking about how much I love a show, saying not to watch a certain show etc. The offenses by television which have been perpetrated aren't merely crappy shows (do NOT watch Teachers) but are more subtle. Take for example this ad for the masterwork of television, 24, which my compatriots have explored oh so many moons ago.

Now I see that they're trying to appeal to a wider audience outside of testosteroney (the San Francisco Treat!) men. The bright colors and lighting and his purple sweater-vest are all meant to appeal to viewers of this television station, WGN, presumably for women. I've never heard of this station. I'm not even sure what it might stand for. Women's Global Network? Wacky Gynecological Network? Too redundant. In any case, this ad, while trying to accomplish something greater, completely sacrifices the integrity of our boy Kiefer and 24. Is he trying to sell me Tampons? Trying to talk to me about incontinence? Or just staring straight into my soul? I don't think I want to find out.

Television offenses stretch out into the actual TV as well. The new show Sons & Daughters (which I recommend) is a comedy/drama in which some of the dialogue is improvised. Those who have watched other shows like Whose Line is it Anyway? and Significant Others are familiar with this concept. However, the folks at ABC feel that this wild concept of improvisation may rock the foundation of society itself, so they warn us before each episode:

Um, ok. I'll... batten down the hatches? I'm not sure what you want me to do with that information before my show, ABC. Is it a warning? Is it just a factoid? Is it one of those "The More You Know" things a la NBC? The show isn't even completely improvised. It's partially improvised, which makes the enigma of this warning even more.... enigmatic. For the record, Whose Line is it Anyway? is completely improvised and used to air on ABC and currently airs on ABC Family and has never gotten a smidgen of a "Viewer Discretion Advised." Can we get someone on this please, ABC? An unpaid intern could clear it up in 15-20 minutes tops.

The malfeasances commited by ABC only get worse. What's one of my biggest pet peeves, folks? Say it with me: "Grammatical errors." Very good. These unforgivable errors carry over into one of my favoritest-est shows in the whole wide world, Lost, which is one of the top-rated dramas in the country right now, and rightfully so. The show influences how drugs are transported around the world, for Jesus' sake:

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Two men suspected of helping smuggle cocaine to New York from Mexico inside statues of the Virgin Mary were arrested Thursday, U.S. authorities said.

Peter Matheis, 52, and Rafael Serrano, 36, both Mexican nationals, were indicted in New York and Houston respectively on money-laundering and narcotics charges along with six others arrested previously in the United States, the Drug Enforcement Administration said.

Five 3-foot-tall statues of the Virgin Mary, filled with 242 pounds of cocaine, were seized in a Brooklyn warehouse as part of the police operation.

The drug ring used the statues to smuggle cocaine worth millions of dollars, FBI agent John Gilbride said in a statement.

(Those who don't watch Lost, shame on you, but there is a ongoing plot point about a plane which "crashed" on the island which is filled with Virgin Mary statues containing heroine.) In Lost, there is a good amount of subtitles used. In the past the subtitles were used for characters speaking Arabic, French but most often Korean since two of the main characters are Korean. You would think that a large television network like ABC would have someone read over the subtitles prior to the airing of each episode to make sure nothing... went wrong. You would THINK...

Alright, doing well so far... looks like clear sailing from here...

ARGH!!! BLACH!!! BLARFFGGHH!!! Good grief. Every time the words "your" and "you're" are misused, an angel explodes. Come on. You got it right in the previous scene. Less than 3 seconds before. WHY didn't you used it properly!?! YOUR signifies something that belongs to a person. It modifies a noun. YOU'RE is YOU ARE. As in, "YOU ARE a mental defect who can't tell their dangling modifiers from their dangling participles." (That's what she said.)

Television is a gift that we sometimes abuse. I am certainly guilty of such acts. And since we as the viewers watch everything and anything that is projected into our homes everyday, the people behind the scenes of these shows become complacent and think they can take advantage of us by wasting our time with an inane warning or interchanging "your" and "you're" whenever they damn well please. If we accept these atrocities, they will continue. And to what end? Edward R. Murrow once spoke about the future of television in the 50s.
"[If] this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box."
Fifty years later, he turns out to be right. The damn thing really is just a shiny box. It is up to us humans to make it worth something. It can entertain, yes, but has it inspired? How can it when those behind its production don't give a damn about what they're sending into our homes every night? And so it rests with us, the loyal viewers, to choose what will and will not be subjected to by our magic cube. In truth, the majority of Americans will accept whatever is fed to them. Wife Swap, The Simple Life, Fox News. But those of us who are wiser than others can choose and by our superior choices, the box will turn into a tool of inspiration, as well as entertainment.
1:16 AM
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