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Thursday, March 30, 2006  
Pimp-trepreneur
Living in Los Angeles, you come across interesting characters. The aspiring actor or singer, the prostitute paying her way through college and the crazy entrepreneur. In many cities including L.A., the entrepreneur takes the form of restauranteur. I have been a big fan of one such restaurant, Porterhouse Bistro, for quite some time because of its exquisite steak. Since I have been a customer for the past few years, I am on their mailing list. As a result I got a very interesting letter from a gentleman, the Operating Partner for Porterhouse, who believes I would be interested in his next restaurant venture:

My Dear Porterhouse Bistro Guest,
My name is Bobby Burton and I am the current Operating Partner for the Porterhouse Bistro in Beverly Hills. I thank you for your continued support throughout the past 5 years. I am writing to you to introduce my newest fine dining restaurant concept, Aphrodisiac, for both lunch and dinner. I wanted you to be the first to know.

Since you already know about Porterhouse Bistro, then you know that we have built our reputation on our service and the quality of our cuisine at excellent prices and this is my intent for Aphrodisiac.

At this point, I am more than intrigued by Mr. Burton's newest restaurant. However, I am confused as to why he named it "Aphrodisiac." Perhaps it's a place to go with a date of some sort...

Aphrodisiac will be serving continental cuisine with exotic and French influences. We will be serving Foie gras, oysters, lobster, filet mignon, caviar, truffles, crab legs, stone crab claws, with many aphrodisiac accompaniments that include pomegranates, figs, garlic, shallots, licorice, anise and of course our famous cotton candy.

Alright so the name of the restaurant is pretty much justified.... pretty much...

We have decorated the dining rooms with waterfalls, ledger stones, bright warm colored flowers, plus plenty of aphrodisiac aromas, throughout.

Ok, fair enough. Work the theme into the ambiance.

Lastly, as an option, don't forget to book our private bedroom for 2. A 3-hour experience that includes 8 courses, 8 wine pairings, your own personal butler, a burned CD recording of your entire 3 hour bedroom experience....

Which would be added to my iTunes almost immediately....

...as well as tax and all gratuities for one amazing price. All while lounging on our queen size bed in your own private area.

Yeah right...."lounging" is what's gonna be happening...

I look forward to welcoming all of you. I'm hoping that I'll have the pleasure of meeting and seeing you again before too long. I'm very excited to open Aphrodisiac and hope that you'll join me in toasting its opening! And I hope that we'll be your "kitchen away from home!"...

As well as "motel away from home"...

....once again.

Best Regards,
Bobby Burton
President
Aphrodisiac, Inc.

So what started out as a restaurant with ritzy food in a luxurious atmosphere turns basically into a motel with room service. While I believe Mr. Burton's intentions are good, if not horny, his attempts at being an entrepreneur as well as a veritable pimp is somewhat misguided. Aside from the misplaced commas throughout the letter, the lack of explanation as to what exactly they'd be recording from the 3-hour bedroom "experience" and how a private area is actually incorporated into the restaurant's layout completely confounds the reader and potential customer. Would the customers in the regular dining area listen in on the bedroom experience? When they walk out of the private bedroom, does lead directly lead to the dining area? How awkward would THAT be.

In any case, while this concept is creative and ambitious, the guy just ends up being pimp who charges for more than the regular amenities. Needless to say, if I do get a willing companion, this may be our third date destination. What d'you say Kate Beckinsale?

3:02 AM
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