The Jazzy Bahsoun

Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

Behavioral Therapist
MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

Movies to See:
Mission Impossible
Haywire
Shame
A Dangerous Method
Underworld:Awakening

TV Shows to Watch:
Portlandia
The Life & Times of Tim

Book to Read:
Game of Thrones
by George R.R. Martin

Album to Listen to:
The Black Keys
El Camino

Person to Hate:
Newt Gingrich

Group of People to Despise:
Fox & Friends

Bitchin Links

Blogs and Writers of Note

Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

Ravi's Blog

Lauren's Blog

Cheryl's LiveJournal

TV Squad

The Soup

Cracked

Best Week Ever

The Chive

On Location Vacations

Cute Overload

Michael Moore's Blog

Joel Stein Columns

Maureen Dowd Columns

Secular Coalition of America

Richard Dawkins

Personal Stuff

My Facebook

My Twitter

My YouTube Videos

My DVD Collection

My Books

Machatz Self-Defense

For Politics and Political Satire

The Huffington Post

Salon.com

Politico

The Daily Beast

The Onion

The Colbert Nation

Truthdig

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

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Ain't It Cool News

IGN

Rotten Tomatoes

DVD Active

Movie Stinger

AdTunes

The Daily Wav

Movie Mistakes

For Humor and Other Things

HuffPost Comedy

Funny or Die

The Lonely Island

Shit My Dad Says

F My Life

Daily Python

College Humor

Super Mario Crossover

People of Walmart

E-Mails from an Asshole

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

God Checker

Church Sign Maker

Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes

For Bruins

The Daily Bruin

Bruins Nation

Bruin Basketball Report

UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

Old Stuff

March 2003
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Thursday, March 30, 2006
Pimp-trepreneur
Living in Los Angeles, you come across interesting characters. The aspiring actor or singer, the prostitute paying her way through college and the crazy entrepreneur. In many cities including L.A., the entrepreneur takes the form of restauranteur. I have been a big fan of one such restaurant, Porterhouse Bistro, for quite some time because of its exquisite steak. Since I have been a customer for the past few years, I am on their mailing list. As a result I got a very interesting letter from a gentleman, the Operating Partner for Porterhouse, who believes I would be interested in his next restaurant venture:

My Dear Porterhouse Bistro Guest,
My name is Bobby Burton and I am the current Operating Partner for the Porterhouse Bistro in Beverly Hills. I thank you for your continued support throughout the past 5 years. I am writing to you to introduce my newest fine dining restaurant concept, Aphrodisiac, for both lunch and dinner. I wanted you to be the first to know.

Since you already know about Porterhouse Bistro, then you know that we have built our reputation on our service and the quality of our cuisine at excellent prices and this is my intent for Aphrodisiac.

At this point, I am more than intrigued by Mr. Burton's newest restaurant. However, I am confused as to why he named it "Aphrodisiac." Perhaps it's a place to go with a date of some sort...

Aphrodisiac will be serving continental cuisine with exotic and French influences. We will be serving Foie gras, oysters, lobster, filet mignon, caviar, truffles, crab legs, stone crab claws, with many aphrodisiac accompaniments that include pomegranates, figs, garlic, shallots, licorice, anise and of course our famous cotton candy.

Alright so the name of the restaurant is pretty much justified.... pretty much...

We have decorated the dining rooms with waterfalls, ledger stones, bright warm colored flowers, plus plenty of aphrodisiac aromas, throughout.

Ok, fair enough. Work the theme into the ambiance.

Lastly, as an option, don't forget to book our private bedroom for 2. A 3-hour experience that includes 8 courses, 8 wine pairings, your own personal butler, a burned CD recording of your entire 3 hour bedroom experience....

Which would be added to my iTunes almost immediately....

...as well as tax and all gratuities for one amazing price. All while lounging on our queen size bed in your own private area.

Yeah right...."lounging" is what's gonna be happening...

I look forward to welcoming all of you. I'm hoping that I'll have the pleasure of meeting and seeing you again before too long. I'm very excited to open Aphrodisiac and hope that you'll join me in toasting its opening! And I hope that we'll be your "kitchen away from home!"...

As well as "motel away from home"...

....once again.

Best Regards,
Bobby Burton
President
Aphrodisiac, Inc.

So what started out as a restaurant with ritzy food in a luxurious atmosphere turns basically into a motel with room service. While I believe Mr. Burton's intentions are good, if not horny, his attempts at being an entrepreneur as well as a veritable pimp is somewhat misguided. Aside from the misplaced commas throughout the letter, the lack of explanation as to what exactly they'd be recording from the 3-hour bedroom "experience" and how a private area is actually incorporated into the restaurant's layout completely confounds the reader and potential customer. Would the customers in the regular dining area listen in on the bedroom experience? When they walk out of the private bedroom, does lead directly lead to the dining area? How awkward would THAT be.

In any case, while this concept is creative and ambitious, the guy just ends up being pimp who charges for more than the regular amenities. Needless to say, if I do get a willing companion, this may be our third date destination. What d'you say Kate Beckinsale?

3:02 AM
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Sunday, March 26, 2006
The Road to the Final Four
Victory is oh so sweet. Riding the emotional, gutsy win on Thursday, our UCLA Bruins pulled out a spectacular win against the #1 seed Memphis today. One step closer to UCLA's 12th national championship. Football is dead. Basketball is very much alive.

Since I get chills every time I see the last 40 seconds of Thursday's game against Gonzaga, here's the clip for your viewing pleasure. The quality isn't great but who cares? It's about 3 minutes long... and in case you didn't know, UCLA's in white, Gonzaga's in blue.

And as a little message to the ten or so assholes from $C who decided to do their ridiculous So Cal cheer by the Bruin Bear tonight: You are the definition of sad and pathetic. Not only is your basketball team a disgrace, not only are you the worst fans in college sports (as stated by certain Trojan athletes) but you come onto our beautiful campus at 10:00 at night to cheer to...no one. EVERY UCLA STUDENT IS ON SPRING BREAK. You're either total, brainless jackasses or giant cowards, or both. I'll go with both.

And if it wasn't for the fact that I was alone, I would have so done the most furious 8-Clap in the history of 8-Claps. But I gave you bitches a cold as ice evil eye.

GO BRUINS!!!

1:51 AM
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Friday, March 24, 2006
I Love L.A.

For all those people who don't understand the excitement and the thrill behind college basketball, who think that it's just bouncing a ball and putting it in a hole, need only watch the last 30 seconds of tonight's spectacular UCLA vs. Gonzaga game.

I can study as much as I want but I sure as hell can't do this.

Coming from an emotionally draining finals week, it takes a team of guys that we've followed since last fall to come out on top against a team that was determined to defeat them, to rouse your spirits.

Maybe I'm overdramatizing this one basketball game. Maybe I'm making sound like a bigger deal than just another sporting event. If it was a professional game like in the NBA or NFL then perhaps I would be. But these guys are our fellow students. They took their finals on the road in between games while we were cramming at home and watching the games on TV. Say what you will about professional sports, but in college, sports take on a different meaning.

Here's to a fantastic season so far and continued success in the NCAA Tournament. Let's disspell this unfounded notion that this is a "football town," shall we? Basketball belongs here and at UCLA.

GO BRUINS!!!

1:15 AM
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Monday, March 20, 2006
Happy Nowruz
Happy New Year. Aydeh shomah moborak. And to my non-Persian compadres, Happy Spring Equinox.

It just reminds me how much 2005 sucked and how 2006 is gonna kick so much ass.
1:25 PM
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Honky
With the approach of finals week comes the increase in the level of procrastination and with that increase comes an elevation in the number of mindless websites visited. One of these websites, for me, consists of information on upcoming DVD releases, including box art, special features etc. This website is very handy for people who buy an unhealthy amount of DVDs like me... but it also publishes information of straight-to-DVD (formerly known as straight-to-video) releases. You may be familiar with titles such as Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation and Lion King 2: Simba's Pride which are prime examples of straight-to-DVD releases. It is on that note which I bring up the latest straight-to-DVD masterpiece:

Now ignore the fact that they're even considering making any sort of sequel to the box office blunder Like Mike. Ignore the fact that Lil Woof Woof or whatever didn't want to participate in the sequel. Ignore the fact that the sequel is about "streetball" and the first movie was about professional basketball. Just look for a second at the fat kid in the back. Now, for most of my life I have been forced to check the "White/Caucasian" box on things like college applications and surveys... but I think from now on I'm going to check the "Other" box. This kid actually makes me hate my own (assigned) race. Frakkin' honky.

Black power.
9:43 PM
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Thursday, March 09, 2006
All Aboard
Many of you are probably sick of me promoting Battlestar Galactica left and right and you also probably think that I'm the only person who watches the damn show. Well folks, guess what? Remember when I rightfully named Battlestar the number one show of 2005? Yeah, guess who else did? TIME freakin' magazine! So if you won't listen to a recommendation from your passionate peer, listen to the endorsement by a heralded periodical.

-1-
Battlestar Galactica
(Sci Fi)

Most of you probably think this entry has got to be a joke. The rest of you have actually watched the show. Adapted from a cheesy '70s Star Wars clone of the same name, Galactica (returning in January) is a ripping sci-fi allegory of the war on terror, complete with religious fundamentalists (here, genocidal robots called Cylons), sleeper cells, civil-liberties crackdowns and even a prisoner-torture scandal. The basic-cable budget sometimes shows in the production, but the writing and performances are first-class, especially Edward James Olmos as the noble but authoritarian commander in charge of saving the last remnants of humanity. Laugh if you want, but this story of enemies within is dead serious, and seriously good.

And to finish off this extended advertisement, I shall share with you a promo for the show which airs on Sci-Fi that I think is just frakkin' awesome, courtesy of my new obsession, YouTube.

The 90 minute season finale of Battlestar Galactica airs this Friday at 10pm on Sci Fi Channel. Now if you people actually have social lives and are out on Friday nights, Sci Fi will repeat the finale numerous times. In addition, season 3 begins in October so there's PLENTY of time to Netflix seasons one and two!

So say we all.
10:05 PM
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Monday, March 06, 2006
E for Embedda
This post is basically a test to see if I can embed a video inside a post. To test it, I did embed the hilarious Natalie Portman rap video from this week's SNL, but apparently it's copyright infringement to post it so here's something else to watch. Enjoy.

By the way you can view the Natalie Portman thing here.
2:54 AM
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Saturday, March 04, 2006
Prison Break
It is human nature, I think, to always look to the future, to something better, when the present is displeasing to them. Some may look to the past if the future looks bleak but that's another story. It's also human nature to overdramatize matters which, in the long run, aren't important. Such is the case this past week when my life was surrendered to the collegiate evil known as midterms. During the first round of midterms a month ago, I pretty much dropped the ball (pardon the sports reference but it's March Maddness!!) and would have to make it up during the second round this past week and praise the gods that we're allowed to drop the lowest midterm score. Anyway, the purpose of this post isn't to complain at how hard a test was or how the quarter system is unfair (which it is). Instead, I'll delve into my psyche this past week and how my mindset relates to humanity itself.... bold? Yes. Over-zealous? Yes. Pointless? Yes.

My week was bookended by two big midterms: a physics one on Monday and a biology one, of the molecular persuasion, on Friday. So basically the days in between were pretty much shot. I taped all my regular shows, which if you know me is a lot of shows, I put my Netflix movies on hold, I didn't read books that I actually wanted to read, I didn't update this blog AND in addition to my shows I had to tape the biggest basketball game of the season, UCLA vs. Cal (Go Bruins). The point is, I had no life. I was imprisoned, as a result of my own slip-ups yes, but it was a prison nonetheless. Now you may say I'm guilty of over-dramatizing the situation, like I described above, which I am. But my mentality during that entire week was so like a prisoner that the classification is indisputable. After my physics midterm on Monday, I began to crack down on the material for biology. On Tuesday, I decided I would have to tape my shows for that night (Scrubs and The Shield) in order to have a productive night. By Wednesday, I realized I was running out of time so my plan to JUST watch Lost that night was foiled. Thursday came around and I knew Friday evening was creeping upon me so I had to tape the basketball game, and as a result avoid learning of the result all Friday which is a task by itself. At around 10:30 pm, my eyes sort of glazed away from the 6 point font of the bio book and just looked at the ceiling. I began to think what I would do when I was done with this midterm. What was happening in the outside world? I had shut off the TV for so long and hadn't spent a lot of time on the internet... maybe something happened. I haven't updated my blog in a while... have people forgotten about it? How long have those Netflix movies been sitting there? Who won the game tonight? Did they finally figure out what the hell is going on on the island on Lost? (Of course not, but the one day I didn't watch it "live" may have been the big reveal) As my eyes gazed back down to the task at hand, I began to question whether the time when I would be free of this misery would ever come.

Eighteen hours later it did come. After a good night's sleep of nine hours (as a result of ditching morning lecture) and having about 4 hours of cramming time (as a result of ditching afternoon lecture) I was as pumped for the damn test as a downhill skier is at the top of the hill (I'm so over the Olympics but one last reference should suffice). As I was walking to the exam room (THE darkest room on campus), I found myself walking parallel to a campus tour. The tour leader was talking about how South Campus students (those of the mostly pre-med clique) don't get out much compared to the rest of the students on campus. Just as she was saying this, I passed by her, hunched over, clutching my molecular biology textbook crammed with notes. She sees me and my pathetic book and says, "He doesn't like what I'm saying right now." I replied, smiling, "It's sad but it's true." Even though I don't consider myself a pre-med any longer, despite what my mom thinks, I'm still a science major and as such I have to work slightly harder to get through these classes than others might. And while it's nice when I get the pretty grade ( I hope, I hope, I hope) at the end of the quarter, I'm a prisoner in the time between. Once I'm rid of the prep courses for my major (next quarter, THANK THE GODS), maybe I can "get out more" since I'll be taking courses that might require a lot of studying but aren't as torturous as molecular biology.

In the meantime, I'll be watching the 6+ hours of shows that I've taped, I'll hopefully watch these movies I've rented, I'll play at a few games with the band, I might get out to a movie or something with some friends and I'll update this blog a few more times.... because in two weeks, the pleasure we call finals week is upon us and I'll be incarcerated once again.
11:16 PM
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