The Jazzy Bahsoun

Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

Behavioral Therapist
MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

Movies to See:
Mission Impossible
Haywire
Shame
A Dangerous Method
Underworld:Awakening

TV Shows to Watch:
Portlandia
The Life & Times of Tim

Book to Read:
Game of Thrones
by George R.R. Martin

Album to Listen to:
The Black Keys
El Camino

Person to Hate:
Newt Gingrich

Group of People to Despise:
Fox & Friends

Bitchin Links

Blogs and Writers of Note

Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

Ravi's Blog

Lauren's Blog

Cheryl's LiveJournal

TV Squad

The Soup

Cracked

Best Week Ever

The Chive

On Location Vacations

Cute Overload

Michael Moore's Blog

Joel Stein Columns

Maureen Dowd Columns

Secular Coalition of America

Richard Dawkins

Personal Stuff

My Facebook

My Twitter

My YouTube Videos

My DVD Collection

My Books

Machatz Self-Defense

For Politics and Political Satire

The Huffington Post

Salon.com

Politico

The Daily Beast

The Onion

The Colbert Nation

Truthdig

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

For Entertainment

Ain't It Cool News

IGN

Rotten Tomatoes

DVD Active

Movie Stinger

AdTunes

The Daily Wav

Movie Mistakes

For Humor and Other Things

HuffPost Comedy

Funny or Die

The Lonely Island

Shit My Dad Says

F My Life

Daily Python

College Humor

Super Mario Crossover

People of Walmart

E-Mails from an Asshole

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

God Checker

Church Sign Maker

Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes

For Bruins

The Daily Bruin

Bruins Nation

Bruin Basketball Report

UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

Old Stuff

March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
September 2007
November 2007
January 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
June 2010
August 2010
November 2010
December 2010
February 2011
April 2011
May 2011
July 2011

Monday, July 25, 2005
Hail to Ra
Amidst the chaos that is this summer, one thing is certain: it's too god damn HOT.

There are certain situations where people are just pre-disposed to panic and being idiots. Such situations include driving in the rain, a 3.1 earthquake, power outages (or as the kids call them, "rolling blackouts") and heatwaves. Now I, as many people, do not particularly enjoy walking around too long in the sweltering heat. I seek shelter and air conditioning as soon as its available. But others, well, they take walking in the sun for 15 minutes to the extreme.

I understand that some people have skin conditions or are particularly sensitive to the sun and must therefore shield themselves from the sun...that being said, people who walk around with umbrellas when its hot just get under my skin. And I always see them in the morning, in the shade, when the heat hasn't even escalated yet, walking around with their own personal shield. Young, fit and seemingly healthy people do not need that much protection. There's this new thing called sunscreen, folks. It's ooey. It's gooey. It's effective. Use it.
Umbrella hats are excusable cause I think they're cool.

I like water. In fact, I love water. It's a good beverage and is particularly useful to us humans. But those of you who walk around with more than 2 water bottles strapped to your backpack, fanny pack, cargo pants pockets or crotch are either on fire or stupid. It's not the Sahara, it's Southern California. If you need a water bottle, that's fine, but you don't need all the reserve supplies of H2O. That also goes for those ridiculous backpacks with the straw sticking out of them. What're you, a pirate, storing water in leather pouches? Get rid of it or walk the plank.

I have a tan. I like my tan. It's nice. But people who like to lay out in the sun from noon to dusk are not gaining an attractive tan. Beef jerky, last time I checked, is not a sub-species of human. It's called skin cancer. Get out of the sun before a dog drags you away by your genitals. Also, if you're going to use spray-on tans.....don't use spray-on tans. You're never going to equal this sleek, mocha tan with that weird orange, invasion of the body snatchers, skin tone.

People like me who insist on wearing long pants and jeans in 90 plus degree heat: Admit it, we're stupid.

Joggers: Stop jogging in the heat. You're going to die. And face it, the fat's there for good. Time to go the Al Roker route.

Star Jones is fat. (I really don't know how else to fit in the Star Jones zinger this time.)

Local news anchors: Please stop saying things like, "So Todd, how long's this heatwave gonna last?" Todd doesn't know. Jimmy doesn't know. Fritz doesn't know. Don't ask them because that'll just encourage their lies and deceit.

And finally, ladies who wear short shorts, short tank tops, tight shorts, tight tank tops, sports bras and panties: Keep doing it. It's effective and is a benefit to mankind.

Did you know that Fetket is the sun god's butler? I didn't.

On an unrelated side note, people who send emails with more than one "Re:" or "Fwd:" will be sterilized and/or strangled. Sorry, but you have it coming. (Coming in blanks from now on, however.)

This posting is rated TV-MA. It contains innuendos that may or may not work.
2:06 PM
Comments

Share