Friday, July 29, 2005
This May Be My Favorite Story....Ever
If I was stressed out or in a bad mood...this story has healed me. I think my life is complete now. I can die in peace.
Flaming squirrel falls from power line, starts fire
Canadian Press, Jul. 19, 2005 10:30 AM
OSOYOOS, B.C. - Firefighters are blaming a flaming squirrel for starting a small bush fire in Osoyoos on Monday.
Firefighters were called to a fruit packing operation in the Okanagan orchard city after a squirrel on a power transmission line caught fire, fell into the brush below and sparked the blaze.
The situation is not, however, unusual.
"This identical incident has happened on the same pole one or two times a year for the past several years," said Osoyoos fire chief Ross Driver. A squirrel is always found at the base of the pole, dead and burnt, he said.
Driver said a pumper truck and a bush truck attended to the small fire but nearby residents had put the fire out before the firefighters arrived.
"We just soaked it down thoroughly to make sure it was out," said Driver. He said he's not sure what the Fortis power utility company might do to prevent squirrel fires in the future.
1:10 PM
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Monday, July 25, 2005
Hail to Ra
Amidst the chaos that is this summer, one thing is certain: it's too god damn HOT.
There are certain situations where people are just pre-disposed to panic and being idiots. Such situations include driving in the rain, a 3.1 earthquake, power outages (or as the kids call them, "rolling blackouts") and heatwaves. Now I, as many people, do not particularly enjoy walking around too long in the sweltering heat. I seek shelter and air conditioning as soon as its available. But others, well, they take walking in the sun for 15 minutes to the extreme.
I understand that some people have skin conditions or are particularly sensitive to the sun and must therefore shield themselves from the sun...that being said, people who walk around with umbrellas when its hot just get under my skin. And I always see them in the morning, in the shade, when the heat hasn't even escalated yet, walking around with their own personal shield. Young, fit and seemingly healthy people do not need that much protection. There's this new thing called sunscreen, folks. It's ooey. It's gooey. It's effective. Use it.
Umbrella hats are excusable cause I think they're cool.
I like water. In fact, I love water. It's a good beverage and is particularly useful to us humans. But those of you who walk around with more than 2 water bottles strapped to your backpack, fanny pack, cargo pants pockets or crotch are either on fire or stupid. It's not the Sahara, it's Southern California. If you need a water bottle, that's fine, but you don't need all the reserve supplies of H2O. That also goes for those ridiculous backpacks with the straw sticking out of them. What're you, a pirate, storing water in leather pouches? Get rid of it or walk the plank.
I have a tan. I like my tan. It's nice. But people who like to lay out in the sun from noon to dusk are not gaining an attractive tan. Beef jerky, last time I checked, is not a sub-species of human. It's called skin cancer. Get out of the sun before a dog drags you away by your genitals. Also, if you're going to use spray-on tans.....don't use spray-on tans. You're never going to equal this sleek, mocha tan with that weird orange, invasion of the body snatchers, skin tone.
People like me who insist on wearing long pants and jeans in 90 plus degree heat: Admit it, we're stupid.
Joggers: Stop jogging in the heat. You're going to die. And face it, the fat's there for good. Time to go the Al Roker route.
Star Jones is fat. (I really don't know how else to fit in the Star Jones zinger this time.)
Local news anchors: Please stop saying things like, "So Todd, how long's this heatwave gonna last?" Todd doesn't know. Jimmy doesn't know. Fritz doesn't know. Don't ask them because that'll just encourage their lies and deceit.
And finally, ladies who wear short shorts, short tank tops, tight shorts, tight tank tops, sports bras and panties: Keep doing it. It's effective and is a benefit to mankind.
Did you know that Fetket is the sun god's butler? I didn't.
On an unrelated side note, people who send emails with more than one "Re:" or "Fwd:" will be sterilized and/or strangled. Sorry, but you have it coming. (Coming in blanks from now on, however.)
This posting is rated TV-MA. It contains innuendos that may or may not work.
2:06 PM
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Monday, July 11, 2005
Another Modest Proposal
Another school year approaches which also means another attempt to apply for a parking pass. My faithful readers know what I think about the UCLA parking department and I do believe that their latest crime against humanity is the final, camel-back-breaking straw...Daily passes are now $8. EIGHT DOLLARS!! A google search of "eight dollars" tells me that that money could be spent in many ways including on Dead Sea Mud, a website domain (for a year), some wine (probably gross but who cares), the new surcharge on Lufthansa airline tickets, a piece of garage flooring, a Salvation Army shelter, a square foot of cow leather, a movie ticket and anything else that's more useful than parking at your own school and going to class (except for the Dead Sea Mud...I don't know what the fuck that is). It's ridiculous that the parking department charges this much and so, I did what I do best: I wrote a letter. I proposed something completely reasonable and sensible. But you may be the judge, oh loyal reader.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I have been a student and commuter to UCLA since Fall of 2003. Since then, I have either been buying daily passes, parking at the meters,parked off-campus in Westwood or taking the MTA since I have not oncereceived a parking permit during the school year. As the MTA became moreand more inconvenient for my own needs, I was obligated to buy daily passes to come to class and to marching band rehearsals.
Recently, it has been brought to my attention that the daily parking pass price has been raised from the already high price of $7 to $8. I am sure that there were reasons behind this change but the fact remains that commuting students cannot afford such unreasonable prices just to park and come to class. I believe it would be more than reasonable for visitors of UCLA to pay this price. However, just as UCLA Live, UCLA Sporting Events and other UCLA related events and activities provide student discounts, it would be much appreciated by every student if the UCLA Parking Department provided some sort of student discount for daily passes. By simply showing our BruinCard at a booth, a discounted pass could be sold and I am sure that revenue from daily passes will go up if there were to be a student discount implemented because fewer students would park at the meters and at off-campus parking lots. I would greatly appreciate any feedback about this matter. Thank you very much for your time.
Sincerely,
Pasha Bahsoun
As usual, I'm sure my efforts will go unrewarded. But only time will tell whether the heart of darkness sees the light....and if not, you can check my profile for updated UCLA Parking Vengeance totals for the fall quarter.
May the severe tire damage spikes remain retracted for you, and yours.
1:18 PM
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
It's the Little Things
As always, it is not the big triumphs in life that make it worth living (although I don't think I've had any BIG big triumphs...besides I guess going to UCLA). From the legendary Yoplait complaint which led to a complimentary yogurt, addressed to the famed Ms. Tasha Bashaun, to my quiet vengeance on the UCLA Parking Department.
Even though my parking permit has been active since June 20, today was my official coronation into the legal circle of UCLA parking. Possession of the hangy pass is only part of the triumph...it is the possession and use of the wavy card that completes the circle. The wavy card is the card you wave in front of some machine (which I'm sure emits some sort of harmful gamma rays...the UCLA parking department not only has to rip us off, they have to mutate our DNA as well) which opens the gate arm and allows you to park. I was unable to utilize the wavy card last week because the gates were opened for the UCLA summer camp. But today. Today was the day. I let out a squeak of joy when I saw that the gates were closed (I never thought I would be happy to see a closed gate...nor did I know I could squeak with joy...if Kate Beckinsale asks, I can't emit squeaks of joy) and I let out an "oOoooOOoH" of glee when I saw that the wavy card actually worked. Anyone in the lot surely heard my "ooOooOoooH" since it echoed everywhere, but frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
May wavy cards bless us for years to come....but especially Fall Quarter 2005. God dammit, UCLA parking, I need that pass. I am not forking over $8 a day to come to class.
Note: A post covering my latest letter campaign against the UCLA Parking Department regarding their uncalled for fee hike is on the horizon. Stay tuned
1:03 AM
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