Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.



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Friday, May 07, 2004  
Hamtastic
As mentioned in a previous post, here follows the tale of the Ham.
As many of you know, my mom has been overseas for about two weeks. When she left, she left me waaay too much food thinking that I would starve. Among this food was a giant ham. We had consumed the majority of this ham over a period of a week but I had one large tupperware of a few pieces of ham left just for me. I did what I could with it. Sandwich, by itself, what have you, but after 5 days, I wasn't sure if I should continue eating this ham. It was nearly 2 weeks old. I'm not one to throw away food, let alone ham. So one night, in an effort to procrastinate, I went to the roof of my building. For those of you who don't know, there is a dog always on the roof of the building across from ours. (Abusive owners if you ask me) Being stranded on a roof all day, the dog must've been hungry. I had about 5 chunks of ham in the tupperware, so I began to throw each piece to the other building. Two landed successfully on the roof, one landed in the backyard, and the fourth hit someone's window and landed in the balcony. Now it didn't break anything but it did cause the owner of the unit to come outside to see what the noise was. (If you ask me, he would've never guessed someone was throwing pieces of pig..) I ducked for fear of conflict and eventually he went back inside. I wasn't confident with my throwing abilities enough to attempt with the last chunk of ham. I went back down the stairwell with my tupperware and ham, saddened that I would have to throw it away. Passing the door to the 2nd floor, I had an epiphany. What would happen if I placed a lone piece of ham in a humid hallway in front of the door of my arch-nemeses: the accursed Chinese laundry family of demons above my unit. For me, hillarity would ensue. And so, I placed this healthy sized piece of ham in front of their door. The hallway was especially humid that night because of the hot day we had just had. A nice surprise would be waiting for them in the morning.

My only regret was not being able to document or at least have a glimpse of their reaction upon seeing the rotting meat.

Also, I wish I would've lit it on fire.

A firey, porky death for the evil neighbors.
4:26 PM
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