Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.



  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA




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    by George R.R. Martin


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Saturday, May 01, 2004  
Conflicted Athiest
So this guy...walks up to me...corners me on campus...and proceeds to tell me about the bible...and jesus...and god...and whatever other horseshit he's been force fed from birth. But I was patient. As much as I wanted to shove his propaganda down his throat, I calmly debated. Foolish me. If there's one thing I learned, you cannot debate devout, brainwashed citizens. "I'm sorry but religion just doesn't work for me. A giant guy sitting in the sky watching each and every one of us and creating a whole lot of shit works for some, not for me." A blank look follows. "But in Romans 11:21, it is said that God created man in his...." I wonder who's gonna be voted off American Idol tonight "and Jesus was his ideal image..." I don't wanna go to lab "And Jesus rose up from the dead..." "Yeah I know. I saw The Passion of the Christ. " And didn't pay a god damn cent. HA "Oh you did. Well you can see that Jesus was tortured..." If I think hard enough maybe one of us will dissappear... "Well thank you for your time." Thank jesus, Herman the propaganda machine is leaving "I have one more question." NO "What do you think happens when we die?" You have GOT to be shitting me "I don't know buddy. What?" "Well it is the Christian belief..." It is my belief that you're a cocksucker "that everyone will stand judgement at the gates of heaven and be sent somewhere based on that judgement." "Oh ok. Sounds good." BYE NOW "Well what do you think happens?" DOES IT NEVER DIE!? "Why do you need an answer to everything? Why can't you just accept that some questions are better left unanswered because no answers exist for them. These mythological answers are just tools to help you sleep at night and make you think you're a better person. But they're not the answers. Your brain power should be better used to do something more productive. Like reading. Or learning another language. Or seeing how fast you can run into a wall." That's what I would've said if I hadn't said... "Nothing." "Thank you for your time." Thanks for wasting mine Religion works for some. No matter how bizarre and false it may be. And no matter how much destruction it creates, somehow, it works. But it doesn't for me. Don't shove your propaganda in my ear and expect me to adhere to your backwards beliefs....Herman.

And now some wisdom from George Carlin:
When it comes to BULLSHIT...BIG-TIME, MAJOR LEAGUE BULLSHIT... you have to stand IN AWE, IN AWE of the all time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion.

Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there's an INVISIBLE MAN...LIVING IN THE SKY...who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever 'til the end of time...but he loves you.

I want you to know, when it comes to believing in god- I really tried. I really really tried. I tried to believe that there is a god who created each one of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize...something is FUCKED-UP. Something is WRONG here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is NOT good work. If this is the best god can do, I am NOT impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-ass a long time ago.

Trillions and trillions of prayers every day asking and begging and pleading for favors. 'Do this' 'Gimme that' 'I want a new car' 'I want a better job'. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday. And I say fine, pray for anything you want. Pray for anything. But...what about the divine plan? Remember that? The divine plan. Long time ago god made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn't in god's divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a divine plan. What's the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan? And here's something else, another problem you might have; suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? 'Well it's god's will. God's will be done.' Fine, but if it gods will and he's going to do whatever he wants to anyway; why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and get right to his will?

Here's another question I've been pondering- What is all this shit about Angels? Have you heard this? 3 out of 4 people belive in Angels. Are you FUCKING STUPID? Has everybody lost their mind? You know what I think it is? I think it's a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback for all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and absorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. 30 years of street drugs will get you some fucking Angels my friend! What about Goblins, huh? Doesn't anybody belive in Goblins? You never hear about this.. Except on Halloween and then it's all negative shit. And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well..

I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate.

You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Ok. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. Doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that god was having trouble with. For years I asked god to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Amen, George, praise the lord, amen.
12:45 AM
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