Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.



  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA




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Wednesday, November 26, 2003  
Hey Hey Hey. I'm in Powell Library right now with no energy to study anything. I have an hour until my next class starts so I thought I'd describe my wonderfully traumatic experience at an experiment last week... So. I sign up for this experiment that's described as "The Challenge Experiment." Oooh scarry. I can get paid 30 bucks or get 2 credits of experiment credit for my psychology class. I had all my credits so I thought I'd take the extra cash. Anyway, I walk into the poorly lit room in Franz Hall (the psych building) to find a tiny Asian woman in a lab coat. What kind of challenge can this diminutive chick possibly give me? So I sit down and she explains the procedure, asks for consent etc etc. She then procedes to strap me to a heart monitor and asks me to read the Atlantic Monthly magazine, which I like. Some challenge, eh? A few minutes later she tells me to stick a weird cotton thing in my mouth for a saliva sample. Fine. She then says she's going to leave the room and I'm supposed to listen to the instructions on this cassette she's going to play. Instructions? Ook. The instructions went something like this. "In a few moments, a panel of qualified experimenters will enter the room. You will be asked to give a speech on why you should be hired as a lab assistant to these panelists. This is not a real job offer, however we ask that you take this seriously. Following that, you will be asked to perform a counting task. Please prepare your speech mentally now." Uuuh, speech? I no likey the speech. I hate speaking in front of any group of people I don't know. Shit! Keep in mind that all this time the heart monitor is squeezing the hell out of my arm every 5 min. and I have to give saliva samples every 10 min or something. Ok, so I'm great to work with, I'm mature, I'm enthusiastic blah blah. They enter the room. I don't know where they found these people, but I'm thinking somewhere in the depths of the underworld because they gave me looks like I've never seen. The "I'm going to kill you right now, niiice and slooow" looks. "Begin your speech." "Uumm ok so I'm qualified for this job ...." the rest of the speech is a blur except for the last minute. Did I mention they time you? They time you five minutes and you have to keep talking no matter what. Oh and they're filming you too. Oh and the heart monitor is squeezing your arm like there's no tomorrow. Yeah. The last minute. I had nothing to say for another minute. So I did what my instincts told me. Talk reaaallly slow and make shit up. So I did. "So...in....conc.....lusion.......I........bel.....ieve.....that....." "Speed up please!" Shit. I can't speed up! "...I.am..qualified..because...." "Times up!" Thank freakin goodness that torture was over. "You will now be asked to perform a counting task. When I say so, count backwards from two thousand eighty three in sets of thirteen." WHAT?! TWENTY EIGHTY THREE IN SETS OF THIRTEEN!! WHAT IN THE FRIGGIN BLUE JESUS ARE THEY SMOKING?! "Begin." "Err ummm...2083, 2070, 2057, 2045." "Incorrect. Begin again." HEART MONITOR SQUEEEEEZE. "2083, 2070, 2057, 2044, 2031, 2018...2005.......1992......" "FASTER!" "err umm ok 1979..1966...1953...1940...1927....1915..." "Incorrect. Start again from 2083." SHIT. That went on for far too long. The last shot I got down to something in the 1600s. Bastards. "This portion of the task is over. Please insert a cotton sample into your mouth." "Ummm ....oo...ook...thanks." Door slam. "Fuckers." So the little Asian woman walks back in for debriefing. I was sworn to secrecy as to the purpose of the experiment, but it was a semi-relief to hear it.
I'm still waiting for my $30 check to come in the mail. It better come soon. That 90 min. Pseudo Spanish Inquisition left me rattled, shaken and even stirred. Beware tiny Asian women...for they may have cash...but they'll bring you to your knees in pain.

P.S. $C update coming soon with pics....Trojans $UC.
4:15 PM
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