The Jazzy Bahsoun

Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.

Behavioral Therapist
MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog

Movies to See:
Mission Impossible
Haywire
Shame
A Dangerous Method
Underworld:Awakening

TV Shows to Watch:
Portlandia
The Life & Times of Tim

Book to Read:
Game of Thrones
by George R.R. Martin

Album to Listen to:
The Black Keys
El Camino

Person to Hate:
Newt Gingrich

Group of People to Despise:
Fox & Friends

Bitchin Links

Blogs and Writers of Note

Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

Ravi's Blog

Lauren's Blog

Cheryl's LiveJournal

TV Squad

The Soup

Cracked

Best Week Ever

The Chive

On Location Vacations

Cute Overload

Michael Moore's Blog

Joel Stein Columns

Maureen Dowd Columns

Secular Coalition of America

Richard Dawkins

Personal Stuff

My Facebook

My Twitter

My YouTube Videos

My DVD Collection

My Books

Machatz Self-Defense

For Politics and Political Satire

The Huffington Post

Salon.com

Politico

The Daily Beast

The Onion

The Colbert Nation

Truthdig

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

For Entertainment

Ain't It Cool News

IGN

Rotten Tomatoes

DVD Active

Movie Stinger

AdTunes

The Daily Wav

Movie Mistakes

For Humor and Other Things

HuffPost Comedy

Funny or Die

The Lonely Island

Shit My Dad Says

F My Life

Daily Python

College Humor

Super Mario Crossover

People of Walmart

E-Mails from an Asshole

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

God Checker

Church Sign Maker

Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes

For Bruins

The Daily Bruin

Bruins Nation

Bruin Basketball Report

UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

Old Stuff

March 2003
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Friday, April 18, 2003
Man, these dentists. I mean, my dentist is nice but he's kinda freaky. You know how you're supposed to go to the dentist every 6 months? Well, I hadn't been there in 8 months. Oh no! The horror! Anyway, now that I have a little free time, I get an appointment with him. It takes half an hour to drive to this place. Why we don't get a dentist close by, I don't know. So I arrive in the vicinity of the building and I have to park on side streets. So I'm driving along, barely any spaces, I spot a space, in between two cars. Dammit! I can't parallel park! So, I decide to attempt to parallel park. Fifteen minutes later im perpendicular to the curb and pissed. I finally give up and find a space on the next block, not in between two cars. I still end up 9 feet from the curb. Whatever! Anyway, I trudge up to the 7th floor of the building. Waiting rooms....I hate waiting rooms. There is never any worthwhile reading material, unless you count "Highlights" magazines from ten years ago. In this particular waiting room, there was a picture of Marilyn Monroe for God knows why and a picture of the Beatles autographed. You know that it's a knockoff from some flea market in Cleveland that he got on a road trip over spring break of dental school 25 years ago ...Yeah...yeah...So, it's my turn finally. Goody! A guy hovering over me sticking things in my mouth. So I sit down in this awkward chair that moves by itself. That alone scares me. The guy comes in. "Hi, how are you? How's your mom? Small talk small talk small talk." "Yeah fine fine. Good yes thanks." And out comes the tiny mirror and the hook. I hate the hook. It latches on to your teeth and the dentist tugs. Why? What is the purpose of yanking on my teeth? They're in there, would you like them to come out cause I don't. "So where are you going to college? Tug Tug." "Mmafph. Mmafha." How the hell am I supposed to answer him? Tapping on the chair in morse code? "Mmmph. Mmamph" "Turn towards me. Open. Grreat. Tug Tug."
This guy's hands are in my mouth and he's talking to me. Should I look right at him? Should I look at the ceiling? Should I look down as to appear like I'm trying to see what's going on in my mouth? I chose alternating between the ceiling and his forehead. Ceiling. Forehead. Ceiling. Forehead. Weird spot on his forehead. What the hell is that? Is that a pimple? It looks a fly, but in his head. Weird. Ceiling. "Ok. Maria is going to polish your teeth now." "Ok. So no cavities?" "No, I don't think so." Gee that's great. Monsieur Dentiste isn't sure. Oh great, Maria arrives. "Chhallo. I polish teeth now." Oh crap, she doesn't speak English. Well, she must know how to clean teeth right? You would think so. You know those things that spin and polish your teeth while spreading that nasty tasting powder around? Yeah, she couldn't figure out how it worked. Buzz Buzz Buzz. Enter mouth. No more buzzing. Exit mouth. Buzz Buzz. Green powder everywhere! By the end of this mayhem my face was covered with this green mint powder and a gross taste in my mouth. "The water for you?" Yeah thanks, Maria. Ok I'm done with that insanity so I bolt. Oh great, a free toothbrush and toothpaste. Thank you so much. That was so enjoyable. Could I please have an enema too? "See you in six months." Like hell you will, like hell.

3:48 AM
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