Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.



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Sunday, June 06, 2010  
The Photo Archives
Being the eternal cynic, finding satire and stupidity in many things we humans decide to write, photograph or say on a daily basis, I acquire a large amount of articles, quotations and photographs. Some of these I get a chance to comment on or post about, but others fall through the cracks, leaving them unlampooned.

Until now.

Mind you, the following photographs, either taken by yours truly or discovered on the internets, have little to no relation to each other, thus they may be described as "random," so I'm going to number them just to avoid any confusion.

1) We hear a lot about people pegging their personal problems, from unemployment to obesity to pedophilia on "the economy." This has led to people cutting back on their budgets.

Not for the people who frequent the useless establishment of "Sephora" though!



That's not in pesos, folks. I love Paris in the springtime. I love Paris in the summer. I'm even affectionate of Paris in the fall. However, Clarins Paris, I do not love your exploitation of insecure, possibly mentally handicapped, female customers of your overpriced skin cream. You might as well put that money towards a Botox treatment if you're that worried about wrinkles and "moisture."

As an aside, can anyone tell me what the hell an "antioxidant" is? Anyone? That's because they don't exist.

2) So....I love a bit of tasteful racism and stereotypes as much as the next guy...



This product, which I assume is trying to cater to those people who don't have access to their very own, real life Asian to assist them whenever they try to make Chicken fried rice at home. Either that, or they'd rather spend $5 on imitation fried rice, rather than $5 on fried rice from a Chinese restaurant. Although, look on the bright side...

...at least the Hamburger Helper mascot doesn't have slanty eyes for his Asian iteration.

3) Halloween costumes are expensive. And unless you're one of those people who goes to costume parties other days of the year, those costumes are useless for every other day but Halloween. Therefore, the past two years, I've found part or all of my costume on eBay. (It's the economy, guys.)

Many sellers on eBay who sell costumes are actual costume stores around the country. Others are people like me who sell their costumes from the previous year to make back some cash.

Other other people are like this guy who think it's a great idea to pose in a picture of the costume they are hoping to sell.



I'm glad you think you fill out that gladiator costume, what with the sucked in belly, crooked helmet and accessories, but I have to say that the sock on the floor, your dog's tail and random child watching you take this ridiculous picture, kind of take away from the whole "Roman" vibe.

Also this.



Here the overall setting improves...but the view does not.

0 bids.

4)



This is just an adorable picture of two cats forking.

5) As some of you may know, I had a long saga of figuring out a name for my new adopted cat.

Naturally, I Googled cat name ideas after exhausting my mental database of comic book character and "Battlestar Galactica" names.

I did not utilize this guy's service.



I'm not sure what it was about Dr. Jim Kramer....but something about him made me not trust his qualifications on assisting me in naming my cat.

Maybe it's his Bob Villa goatee.

6) Pornography titles are things of comedy gold. But has anyone actually seen "The Texas Vibrator Massacre"? What about "Night of the Giving Head"? You've probably never Netflix'd "Cleavagefield." That's because not many people actually think they exist beyond the realms of comedy.

But then I discovered:



Just sitting on a rack (teehee) at Virgin (teeheehee) Megastore.

Now I swear on my girlfriend sitting 3 feet away from me that I would never watch such depravity....but as a fan of the show, British and American, I would think some fan-service research would be excused? Maybe?

Ow.

7) And finally, a photo that really speaks for itself.



The almost poetic juxtaposition of the different products almost makes you briefly forget about the forthcoming downfall of mankind.

And then you remember....and continue sipping your Big Gulp.

Moral of the photo archives? Same as usual. Humans = self-satirizing to no end.

Cats = adorable.
12:20 AM
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