Sunday, February 07, 2010
The Best of 2009
Most everyone with an inkling of testosterone (or a head injury depending on what you think of football) is watching the Super Bowl right now, and while I have it as background noise, I decided to pursue the exponentially geekier prospect of listing my, often delayed, top 10 picks in the realm of entertainment for last year.
Instead of leading off with my top 10 movie selections, I wanted to share my guilty (and not-so-guilty) pleasures of the year. Whether these turn you off to my overall selections, I present them to you with the caveat that a lot of these movies are awful, but undoubtedly entertaining.
Top 5 Guilty Pleasures of 2009
5. Drag Me to Hell
A prime example of a campy movie being successfully entertaining because that's what the filmmaker and actors sought to make. From the projectile nosebleed to the grandma gypsy vomiting on Allison Lohman's face, this movie is a helluva lot of fun.
4. Paranormal Activity
I'm not ashamed to say that this movie creeped me the frak out...but not my girlfriend. Ok, maybe a little ashamed.
3. GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Can Sienna Miller act? No. How about Channing (what?) Tatum? Not on your life. But is a Saturday Morning Cartoon on the big screen a blast to watch? Yes.
2. Watchmen
Best graphic novel of all time + over-zealous director + cheesiest sex scene of all time + 150 minute run time + blue penis +Jackie Earle Healey - giant squid = Geek-gasm.
1. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Yes, Megan Fox is an empty shell. Yes, robot testicles are stupid. Yes, this movie may be the catalyst for the downfall of civilization. But when there's something so ridiculous, so expensive, so over the top...don't you just have to watch it in all of its sweaty, oily glory?
I find it tough to write top 10 lists for television shows, simply because it's so difficult to compare shows from different genres. How I Met Your Mother versus Lost? Dexter versus Better Off Ted? So instead I've decided to split my TV selections into different categories. Enjoy.
Best Series Finale
Battlestar Galactica
It was confusing. Not everything was answered. But it was a masterpiece. Start to finish. So say we all.
Best Mindf$@k
Lost
Has any show in the history of shows garnered this much debate, speculation, analysis, fandom that is completely deserved? If there was an undergraduate elective course exploring the mythology behind Lost, I would take it. Twice.
Best Show No One Watched and is Now Canceled
Better Off Ted
The spiritual successor to Arrested Development, which had the same wit and inane humor, now follows the same fate as that show...by being canceled.
Best New Show
Modern Family
Another spiritual successor to AD, in tone, if not in premise, which isn't imminently canceled.
Best Show that Males and Females Equally Enjoy
How I Met Your Mother
The antics of Barney and Marshall are for the males. The whole "mother" thing is for the females.
Best Show that Challenges Your Ethics and Morals Every Time You Watch
Dexter
I root for the serial killer on this show...because he's the hero...and that's the only reason. Dexter would also win Best Villain, with John Lithgow as the Trinity Killer and Most Heartwrenching Season Finale.
Best Show that No One Watches and is Returning this Month on HBO
The Life and Times of Tim
This show is my life. In cartoon format. But way funnier.
Best Show that No One Watches and is Returning next Month on AMC
Breaking Bad
The setting of New Mexico is horrid (ugly and drab as hell). The characters are deplorable (they're meth addicts and/or dealers). But it's compelling. And addictive. Coincidentally.
Worst Show in the History of the Universe
Glee
This wrist-cutting-inducing, vomit-producing, lip-synched, offensive to the disabled, unfunny, poor excuse for a show must die. And soon.
And now finally, what you all haven't been waiting for.
Top Ten Movies of 2009
10. Whatever Works
I'm not sure why I identify with everything Larry David's characters in Curb Your Enthusiasm and this movie do. Perhaps it's because they speak everything that they're thinking, from insults to candid observations. But I enjoy every second of it.
9. Bright Star
A non-sci-fi-action-comedy-animated movie on my list? Unheard of. This historical drama follows the romance between the poet John Keats and Fanny Braune. Sounds really girly and european? It is. It's also very touching.
8. Moon
A sci-fi movie unlike any sci-fi movie I've seen in the last decade. It's the definition of minimalist, from the setting to the actors (it's Sam Rockwell and Kevin Spacey's voice) and establishes an eerie atmosphere from the beginning and has a compelling story to boot.
7. Public Enemies
Sometimes old-timey gangster movies, such as American Gangster, fly right over my head, but this one, despite the long run time, has Batman and the military guy from Avatar chasing Johnny Depp and a french girl.
6. Up
This movie would be on this list even if were only for that short segment which narrated Carl and Ellie's relationship.
5. The Hurt Locker
A non-partisan, truthful, gripping movie about the war in Iraq, that isn't tarnished with Hollywoodian plot-twists and action sequences. Just the characters. I did have to take breaks after a couple of particularly tense moments, namely the sniper scene.
4. Star Trek
I hate Star Trek. Always have. Always will. But this movie made me love it. Why? Because it wasn't that unwatchable, boring drek that comprised the old movies and TV shows. It was Star Trek for the Star Wars crowd. And I like that.
3. District 9
A sci-fi movie that appeals to non-geek audiences, and serves as a potent allegory for present-day apartheid, written and directed by a brilliant director who actually witnessed such atrocities...and is nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. 'Nuff said.
2. Avatar
A sci-fi movie that appeals to non-geek audiences, and serves as a potent allegory for present-day apartheid....oh wait. But it's in 3D. And is like injecting LSD into your eyes. And has a more believable romance story than any romance/romantic-comedy that I have ever seen. Plus I wish my hair could talk to trees and birds and things.
1. Inglourious Basterds
While a popular theme on all of these lists has frequently been entertainment over art, this movie transcends both for me. It is bloody entertainment fused with the most gripping and tense (and lengthy) dialogue sequences of any movie, and can only be delivered by the mad man Quentin Tarantino. And there are about 4 spoken languages in the entirety of the film, all of which are spoken by my new favorite actor Christoph Waltz.
Honorable Mentions:
Up in the Air
I Love You Man
The Hangover
Tyson
(500) Days of Summer
Extract
And there you have it. The coming year sees movies such as Kick-Ass, Clash of the Titans and The Last Airbender which may or may not make on next year's lists, or, as is more likely the case, movies I have never heard of.
Now back to the background noise that is...football.
Which I still vehemently assert should change its name to Tackleball, based on the fact that feet come into very little contact with balls.
6:38 PM
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