Life's our oyster and we're gonna suck that bitch down with a champagne chaser.



  • Behavioral Therapist
  • MA Developmental Psychology, Columbia
  • BS Psychobiology/ French, UCLA




  • Movies to See:
    Mission Impossible
    Haywire
    Shame
    A Dangerous Method
    Underworld:Awakening


  • TV Shows to Watch:
    Portlandia
    The Life & Times of Tim


  • Book to Read:
    Game of Thrones
    by George R.R. Martin


  • Album to Listen to:
    The Black Keys
    El Camino


  • Person to Hate:
    Newt Gingrich


  • Group of People to Despise:
    Fox & Friends




 

Bitchin Links


Blogs and Writers of Note

Mary's Website

Mary's Blog

Ravi's Blog

Lauren's Blog

Cheryl's LiveJournal

TV Squad

The Soup

Cracked

Best Week Ever

The Chive

On Location Vacations

Cute Overload

Michael Moore's Blog

Joel Stein Columns

Maureen Dowd Columns

Secular Coalition of America

Richard Dawkins


Personal Stuff

My Facebook

My Twitter

My YouTube Videos

My DVD Collection

My Books

Machatz Self-Defense


For Politics and Political Satire

The Huffington Post

Salon.com

Politico

The Daily Beast

The Onion

The Colbert Nation

Truthdig

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart


For Entertainment

Ain't It Cool News

IGN

Rotten Tomatoes

DVD Active

Movie Stinger

AdTunes

The Daily Wav

Movie Mistakes


For Humor and Other Things

HuffPost Comedy

Funny or Die

The Lonely Island

Shit My Dad Says

F My Life

Daily Python

College Humor

Super Mario Crossover

People of Walmart

E-Mails from an Asshole

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

God Checker

Church Sign Maker

Strong Bad Email

Japander: See Actors Embarrass Themselves Abroad

Landover Baptist Church: Jesus Loves You Sometimes


For Bruins

The Daily Bruin

Bruins Nation

Bruin Basketball Report

UCLA Bruin Marching Band: The Solid Gold Sound

The REAL $UC Application

















 
Old Stuff
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
September 2007
November 2007
January 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
June 2010
August 2010
November 2010
December 2010
February 2011
April 2011
May 2011
July 2011





 


Photobucket
 
Sunday, May 24, 2009  
Along Party Lines
I don’t like parties. Ever since I was little, at stereotypical “Persian parties,” with cousins I’ve never met and who have no interest in anyone but themselves, I didn’t understand their purpose. Thankfully, I was spared a gratuitous amount of these exercises in child abuse, save for when I traveled to where more relatives existed. In truth, parties which consist of more than 40 or so people in attendance are really gatherings for a circle of about 6-8 close friends or family members to socialize and surround themselves with people that they know, in the slightest sense of the word. The lowest common denominator at these events is of course the people who are secondary or tertiary invites. The people who were told, “Hey one of my friends is throwing a party Saturday night. You should totally come.” Well, I have nothing better to do, and maybe I can meet some new people…so I’ll go. This is in contrast to the, “WOOOO PARTTAAYY,”and the, “Time to find candidates for my orgy,” approaches.

Many of you are probably thinking to yourselves as you’re reading this that any of the three party mentalities I have just described are dysfunctional, at best. “Normal,” and I use the term loosely, people, I’m guessing attend a party, or an otherwise social gathering, with a more neutral approach. Namely, I know a couple people there so I’ll hang out with them then talk to people in passing, get some free drinks, and go home. This fantasy world mentality is of course inherently flawed because, at least in my experience, whenever I’m a secondary invite to a party, the primary invite never shows up. Hence, I’m the awkward wallflower who knows no one at this gathering and does not find speaking to people I don’t know the most pleasant experience I can think of. Don’t get me wrong, I know I should be able to accomplish such simple social exchanges…in context. In an academic setting, sporting event, conference, seminar, marching band rehearsal…you know, normal scenarios. But in these forced gatherings, walking up to someone in a dark room with Lady Gaga blasting in the background is not my idea of an accomplishable feat.

In behavioral therapy, an Autistic child who has difficulty functioning in a social setting must be prompted or otherwise shown how to participate in a reciprocal conversation with another peer. The ultimate goal is for these skills to be generalized to other settings such as in school, on a playground and at parties (of the birthday variety). At the “End of the Year Bash” a couple of weeks ago, for example, I tried to imagine what I would say to someone like me to prompt me to initiate play…err, conversation, with a fellow student. “That boy has a sangria too. Maybe you should ask him what other drinks he likes.” This sounds as ridiculous in my head then, as it does coming out of my fingers, now. “You’ve seen her in your Atypical Development class. Go ask her what other classes she took.” An improvement, but still can’t gather up the nerve.

Finally, an hour into this exercise in social defeat, after 2 sangrias, a mango margarita and a watered down Coors, a visibly inebriated girl stumbles up to me and says, “ ‘Scuse me…aren’t you Ned?”
“No, I can’t say I am.”
“K, cause…you look like Ned.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.”

Whether it was the free fire water talking, or the fact that I was fed up with this party, this exchange, as innocent as it was, inspired me to turn to the person standing next to me and say, “That girl just asked me if my name was Ned.”
“Are you?”
“No. I’m not. Do I look like a Ned?”
“I guess not….What’s your name?”

And so began what some may call a conversation. It wasn’t as bizarre to initiate such an exchange with a complete stranger as I had anticipated prior to this. I’m of course, describing this as the first time I’ve ever spoken to anyone at a party, which isn’t the case. However, I have to say, it was one of the first conversations initiated based on no knowledge of shared interests, similar drink choices or other commonalities. It was based on nothing more than we’re both at this party, we both go to the same university, and this fucking crazy girl accused my mother of naming me “Ned.”

Children may require banal suggestions to initiate a social exchange, but suffice it to say, if a grown man (don’t laugh) strikes up a chit-chat on the basis that my shirt is the same color as your shirt, that dialogue will go nowhere fast.

A more salient prompt, as we say in the biz, in adults would appear to be a controlled substance, such as alcohol, rather than common interests. Should these skills be practiced under the influence, they have the potential to be generalized in the future, based on those prior experiences and practice.

Before you start up an intervention on my behalf, know that a moderate amount of such things can lead to more amiable characteristics at such social functions, such as garrulousness and conviviality.

Also, vomit.

2:11 AM
Comments

Share

 
This page is powered by Blogger.Humor Blog Top Sites