Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Acaind of Fraud
Back in the day, when I would spend hours upon hours playing my beloved Sega Dreamcast, my favorite genre of game was the Role-Playing Game, or RPG for you hip geeks out there. Without going into too much detail, that type of game involves a lot of time investment and the collecting of items. One such item in many of those games was the Acai Berry. Along with the Dragon Berry and the Enigma Berry, I assumed these were creations of Japanese recluse gamers. However, as of late, the Acai Berry has emerged into reality and is invading multiple aspects of my life.
The Acai Berry appears in many energy and fruit drinks, namely Honest Ade and Pom Wonderful, as well as the horrifyingly bland Vitamin Water, claiming to be full of antioxidants. (Don't even get me started on antioxidants, the biggest dietary scam of the last decade.) The Acai Berry sounds harmless, even charming, enough, but seems more of a gimmick than anything, just like a drink being enhanced with electrolytes. However, the Acai Berry shows its pompous hyde in my Shampoo and Conditioners. I understand the corruption of the health drink industry, but my Herbal Essences too? And the worst offense of all, the spam emails promoting Acai Berry supplements and pills. But it was not the gratuitous use of this Brazilian invader that tipped me off to its poisonous fraud. It was Oprah, the endorser of all that is kitsch, trendy and faddy, publicly disavowed any association with the Acai Berry and has her lawyer goons on the case.
Consumers should be aware that Oprah Winfrey is not associated with nor does she endorse any açaí berry product or online solicitation of such products. Attorneys for Harpo are pursuing any companies that claim such an affiliation.
I believe that the fad of the Acai Berry will fade away soon enough, just like the Guarana craze of the mid-late 90s. Until then, I will try to make myself Acai-free because I don't possess any oxidants that I am particularly against, in my hair, nor in my digestive tract, therefore I don't require its alledged assistance. I'll just stick to my plain old rasp, black and blue varieties to level up, thank you very much.
10:24 PM
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Monday, March 09, 2009
Professor Mix-A-Lot
A note to professors and teachers alike, from elementary to high school, from college to post-graduate school, I appreciate how young and hip you may be, or how old and out of touch you are becoming, but I would recommend refraining from the use of phrases such as, "Am I right, ladies?" when discussing sexism in the workplace and/or the shortcomings of males overall. Granted the institution I attend is 75% female, but the crickets should be an indication that you're failing. Epically.
Also, students of the octogenarian persuasion, "lecture" in today's world does not translate to a personal conversation between you and the professor. Today's hip kids call that forum "office hours." I realize you are older and allegedly more experienced, but you're back in school for a reason.
So zip it, grandma, and let me text in peace.
8:51 PM
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