Subway Asylum

Subway Asylum
New York City is synonymous with public transportation... along with dirt, garbage and urine. It supposedly has the most reliable MTA system in the world and even if that's true, it doesn't come without its quirks. Sure, there are the charmers, such as the mariachi band traveling car-to-car on the subway, or the down-on-her-luck opera singer working for the same pocket change, but there are also the down-trodden, "Ladies and Gentleman, I have been diagnosed with AIDS," folks who challenge the inner cynic in everyone. Do you really have AIDS/Lymphoma/are Homeless, or is it an act? Some days I believe it and give some loose change or a sandwich, other days I feel bad but can't bring myself to rifle through my wallet and other days I feel, well, like a typical New Yorker, oblivious to my surroundings, only focused on my destination.

And really, how can anyone feel benevolent on such an oppressive, at times disturbing, mode of transport, that is required in such an already malevolent city? Here is a very brief list of the not so charming sights and sounds of the New York City MTA:

• The man who wet himself on the 1 train, and the expression of the woman seated next to him who noticed too late
  
• The orthodox jewish family of 14 screaming at each other in Hebrew across an entire subway car on the downtown 1 train
• The disturbingly self-important posters and banners promoting "Harlem Heights," the BET version of "The Hills"
• The endless ads for erectile dysfunction, yeast infection, erectile dysfunction, syphilis and erectile dysfunction
  
• The woman who grabbed my arm, proclaiming "Great eyes!" as she ran off the subway
  
• The man repeatedly playing the Superman theme song on his cell phone whilst commenting on every new passenger, proclaiming "I AM THE KING!" on the M57 bus
• The woman yelling "STAY BACK STAY BACK" on the downtown 1 train
• This doesn't have to do with a particular passenger, but having to stare at this poster due to the rush hour traffic on the uptown 1 train
• 
• The man cleaning his ear with a pencil on the R train
• The two African-American women threatening to kill each other on the N train
• The middle-aged, presumably sexually repressed, woman promoting her church to the predominantly secular strap hangers
• Ok sometimes ugly children are so ugly they're cute but this kid is what nightmares are made of. I would cite his name but I'm too worried about him googling himself, then finding this site and coming to bite my ankles.
• 
• The troupe of transvestites loitering at the 72nd street station
• The troupe of transvestites loitering at the 42nd street station
• And finally, the man touching himself, ok who are we kidding - masturbating, through his pants at 8 in the morning on the uptown 1 train

New York City stocks its crazies by the thousands and it only reassures me that my chosen field of Developmental Psychology is the right path, because if I catch em young, chances are they won't urinate on me on a subway down the road.