Friday, February 06, 2009

Netflux 2: Chanticleer Strikes Back

Netflux 2: Chanticleer Strikes Back
As first revealed on this site a few weeks, ago, my intrepid reporting exposed a sinister conspiracy involving Netflix and the sub-sub-par animated movie Rock-A-Doodle. I still do not know how that movie found itself onto my queue but was nonetheless perplexed and frankly insulted that after two and a half years of loyal membership that this obscure movie that no one on earth wants to see, especially in the age of Bolt in 3D and Paul Blart: Mall Cop, would be labeled as having a "Very Long Wait." You may think that that run-on sentence is an insult to your intelligence, and so you will know how I felt when I saw this.



Unknown. Really, Netflix? You went from taunting me with a Very Long Wait, with which I would never receive Rock-A-Doodle anyway, but now its availability is completely unknown to you. Why toy with me Netflix? What is the motiviation?

I consulted Amazon.com for an answer to this pressing issue. Upon searching for Rock-A-Doodle in their search engine, I found that not only was one version of the film released in 1999 unavailable due to it being discontinued by the manufacturer...



...but TWO versions of the film were discontinued by the manufacturer, the second released in 2005.



Strangely, enough, when Rock-A-Doodle is typed into Amazon, the film falls into spots 8 through 13 of the search results (try it for yourself), including the VHS version and the Spanish version (Ay dios mio). All versions are preceded by other high-quality animated fare such as FernGully: The Last Rainforest and A Troll in Central Park, all of which are still available from the manufacturer, and qualify for Free Super Saver Shipping.

And so, I must apologize to Netflix, for even if you do throttle high-frequency subscribers by not offering new releases to them when they are actually released, resulting in a DVD at spot 39 on the queue beign shipped out, no matter how long they have remained loyal to you, I cannot place the blame for Rock-A-Doodle solely on your shoulders. I think the Amazon.com review said it best.

Don Bluth's lavish animated musical Rock-A-Doodle was not a success when it was released in 1992. It's not hard to understand why: the film varies wildly in tone and the story makes little sense. In the live-action prologue, a little boy named Edmond learns that the crowing of Chanticleer the rooster did not make the sun rise, as everyone thought. But when a flood threatens his family's farm, Edmond sets off to get Chanticleer to make the sun rise and save the day. (Edmond gets turned into a kitten during this adventure, for no apparent reason other than that cats are easier to animate than humans.) Chanticleer has moved to the city, and although the farm seems to be in the Midwest, the nearest city is clearly supposed to be Las Vegas. Chanticleer is now the King, an Elvis caricature used for an unfunny spoof of showbiz clichés. The animation is quite fluid, and there are lots of brightly colored effects--rainbows, sparkles, sunbeams. But parents will have a hard time explaining the story to their children.

The resounding opinion, as I should have realized long ago, is that this is a truly shitty movie, not even fit for the youngest of children, or most immature of 23-year olds.

As a result, I shall have to do the only self-respecting thing there is left to do: delete Rock-A-Doodle from my queue.

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